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Why is making friends so hard


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  • Elites

Don't force it and don't be needy, is the best advice I have. I spent my teenage years as an obsequious clown trying to please and charm everyone. People could sense it and stayed away. Once I got more self-confident I was able to meet and maintain friendships with people who shared my interests. And everyone is different. Some people want to hang out all the time and text and such. Other people are more solitary, and they like to be social only once a week. If a group is regularly and deliberately excluding you, they're probably trying to let you down easy. Maybe search out a new group? That depends on a lot of factors, of course.

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I think its hard because people are inherently kind of selfish. unless you do som*thing for them,. in my case , I just try to do a bunch of stuff and have fun all the  time , so am usually busy, but will make time when I can. 

 

I also think its a lot harder for g*rls because , honestly no matter how nice you are we're just snooty to each other.,  

sometimes there are obviously exceptions. everyone here has been pretty great 

 

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I think @BlakouttheMM has the best advice. Don't try to force anything. You just keep being you, and you'll att**ct the right friends who appreciate you for who you are. Definitely don't try to change yourself to fit in more because people can see right through that. Don't put yourself into a box either where you think you can only be friends with people just like you. Join a club or group in IRL that has to do with your interests.

For instance, back in the day when I was still on social media, I joined a hiking group on FB because that's som*thing I like to do. They would post different hikes locally and you could just show up to whatever one fit your schedule. I met a few cool people that way. 

It's just an idea, but the best way to make friends is to put yourself out there, be yourself, and don't try to force anything. I personally s*ck at my own advice because I don't like doing group things usually, lol. I'm more of a homebody so I just choose not to have friends.

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Finding friends or a girlfriend takes time. When you're actively looking and searching, you're often going to turn up empty handed. These are things that either happen or don't happen at all. I've had many opportunities to make friends in real life and they've been people I don't want to be around at all. 

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I've always found it hard to make friends, mainly because I actually like my own company so stay home a lot... and I h**e small talk which socialising seems to involve a lot of lol

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  • Elites

Try going a little bit more out of your comfort zone, a little bit at a time. 

Of course, this is a great place to be, with like-minded individuals, but if you're talking IRL, I know I used to have a problem with always saying no to every invite I received and then they just stopped coming (the invites).. This sounds simple, but force yourself to say yes more. 

Don't push it too far, right away (your comfort zone), try reaching out to someone just for a one-on-one dinner meet-up or something.

You can join classes (like for me, the most socializing I get is at work or at the numerous gyms I teach at/belong to), book groups, on Facebook sometimes there are social events circulating around within your area (like Food Truck events, etc). 

But, these are just suggestions and don't go too far trying to please anyone. You have friends right here 🙂

I agree with @BlakouttheMM.

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I believe I no longer have a clear interpretation of what a healthy friendship is. All my friends are gone or we washed our hands of eachother.

My experiences with friendships is that they are very fragile. I've been through a whole slew of them throughout my life.

Friendships are easily broken. They shatter just like glass and are built upon a pile of mutual agreements over opinions and sometimes beliefs. 

Sometimes people grow apart once people grow bored of eachother.

People in the past who often adamantly wanted to be my friend became either too invasive or the friendship they offered just floated right on down the river & imploded.

I can see why Onision see's little value in it. It's up there with apologizing. Unless there's a real tangible exchange. Quid Pro Quo. 

You give me something. I give you something. That's my terms on a friendship. 

OR....

Acquaintances are the perfect deal for most people. You have a pretty clear opening between the both of you. If they f;uck up and offend you, it's rather easy to wash your hands of them. 

I've been pretty expendable by most people in my life including dear old dad who washed his hands of me 18 years ago. What a lesson that was.

 

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On 8/20/2021 at 7:10 PM, Mr.Dawn said:

My experiences with friendships is that they are very fragile. I've been through a whole slew of them throughout my life.

A "hands-off" and constantly forgiving attitude will get you farther... but the problem is... you know... is that valuable?

I think having a lot of distant, light friendships is reasonable for some. Heavy personal friendships can get crazy --- humans are so complicated after all.

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As awkward as it may be, trying to get interested in something you would participate in by yourself can really help. I never liked football, and actually have a lot of issues with the sport. But after watching a few games with a group of people, I got a pretty nice social group out of it. And even though at first it felt like football would be the main focus of our friendship, turns out they're all regular humans with tons of different interest in too, so we can bond over that

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