Jump to content

What would you do in this situation?


summerlusk
 Share

Recommended Posts


4 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

If you had a family member like a sister or brother, son or daughter that was dating someone you didn’t like, for example, they are a loser that won’t get a job or maybe there’s another reason you don’t like them.. would you say something?

I sure would, in a very diplomatic and careful way.

Have lost some female friends because they started dating an a***ole. Not because I was jealous and wanted a relationship with them myself. But sorry, if you date an arrogant mindless prick I prefer not to be friends anymore. I don't enjoy watching trainwrecks.

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

I sure would, in a very diplomatic and careful way.

Have lost some female friends because they started dating an a***ole. Not because I was jealous and wanted a relationship with them myself. But sorry, if you date an arrogant mindless prick I prefer not to be friends anymore. I don't enjoy watching trainwrecks.

That’s the thing, they could react really defensive/aggressive and it could make things worse. I doubt saying something would do anything good, even though I would want to.

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

33 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

If you had a family member like a sister or brother, son or daughter that was dating someone you didn’t like, for example, they are a loser that won’t get a job or maybe there’s another reason you don’t like them.. would you say something?

It is nice to seek the best end for all, including family and friends.

Dating, a mostly casual acquaintance, should not be something that you would let jeopardize the love you share between you and your sister or brother, son or daughter.

Say nothing and hope love wins, your obvious one included.

Regards

DL

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Gnostic Christian said:

It is nice to seek the best end for all, including family and friends.

Dating, a mostly casual acquaintance, should not be something that you would let jeopardize the love you share between you and your sister or brother, son or daughter.

Say nothing and hope love wins, your obvious one included.

Regards

DL

 

The reason I would care is because they could be with this person for years, they might marry this person. It just s*cks to see your family member or friend in a situation that you can’t do anything about. That’s their choice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, summerlusk said:

If you had a family member like a sister or brother

If it's a sibling. Not much you can do or say if they already don't listen to you most of the time. They might hear you out and still go on with the relationship. It's best to leave it to your parents if they're concerned about it. 

My sister doesn't like my girlfriend. Neither my mom or myself understand her reasons. 

1 hour ago, summerlusk said:

, son or daughter that was dating someone you didn’t like

I would hope that my own 2 c*hildren find people who are responsible. 

1 hour ago, summerlusk said:

for example, they are a loser that won’t get a job or maybe there’s another reason you don’t like them.. would you say something?

Yes. If it's my c*hildren and this is the person they picked. Yes, someone is getting their a*ss chewed & I would hope that it wouldn't last or work out. 

21 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

The reason I would care is because they could be with this person for years, they might marry this person. It just s*cks to see your family member or friend in a situation that you can’t do anything about. That’s their choice.

Are they a*busive in some way?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Admin said:

I think most people would speak up if it was a danger to them... but there is a line between safety issue and no threat/just not your business.

My sister is a cop. She dated another cop who was unstable and controlling. He made a lot of t'hreats on her life that cost him his career and shortly after that he left town. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Hitchens said:

My sister doesn't like my girlfriend. Neither my mom or myself understand her reasons. 

Has it affected your relationship with her or your girlfriend’s relationship with your sister? It’s so much different when it’s family as opposed to a friend, because once your family member gets into a serious relationship, that person they’re with becomes a part of the family. Especially if it’s your k***s’ or your siblings’ partner.

20 minutes ago, Hitchens said:

Are they a*busive in some way?

My sister used to be in a relationship with a drug addict before he died of an OD. If he didn’t pass away, she might still be with him. That’s the only reason they aren’t together anymore because she never left him. Thankfully, she did not become a drug addict herself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Mod

Yeah I would say something. I actually just recently told my mom that I noticed that my step dad has been a bit controlling and that it's been bothering me. They have been married since I was in middle school (I'm almost 31 now) but for the past couple of years I've noticed that he's been that way. I mean I consider him to be a good person, I just don't like the way he talks to her sometimes. She knows he's controlling too. I haven't brought it up to him yet.

 

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Elites
5 hours ago, summerlusk said:

If you had a family member like a sister or brother, son or daughter that was dating someone you didn’t like, for example, they are a loser that won’t get a job or maybe there’s another reason you don’t like them.. would you say something?

That's a hard one. Sometimes we may not mesh well with the choice in partner our loved one made. However as long as they are happy there is no point in saying anything. It's their relationship and they only have to appeal to each other. Besides the next one could be worse. Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. 

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, summerlusk said:

That’s the thing, they could react really defensive/aggressive and it could make things worse. I doubt saying something would do anything good, even though I would want to.

Yes, it could make things worse. It's just that knowing myself I can't keep my opinions to myself, can't keep my mouth shut even if it's risky, lol.

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

31 minutes ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

Yes, it could make things worse. It's just that knowing myself I can't keep my opinions to myself, can't keep my mouth shut even if it's risky, lol.

My sister’s ex was a huge a***ole. He was ab**ive and a drug addict (I mentioned him in a previous post in this thread). He and my sister wanted to keep it a secret. I already knew about it because he used to date one of my best friends and she told me about. I told my family about it and he reacted very aggressively towards me and told me to keep his f***ing name out of my mouth. I kind of hate talking about it because it brings back painful memories that I’d rather just forget forever.

Edited by summerlusk
  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 hours ago, summerlusk said:

Has it affected your relationship with her or your girlfriend’s relationship with your sister?

My sister is a police officer. She doesn't like her because she read an old domestic report that happened at my girlfriend's house between her and her mother.

What wasn't in the report was this: Her husband left her for another woman and during her marriage she became an alcoholic to help her cope with the a'buse.

After her ex husband left her she became depressed and alone. So one night she had a little too much to drink and had a melt down and her mom couldn't deal with it. She was not coping well at the time. The sheriff was called. 

Anyways, I've kept her sober since she's been with me & her mother has liked me because of it as she's never met someone who had that kind of influence over her daughter. 

I have not shared this information with any of my family members. I don't ever intend to. So far they like her from what they've seen and from what I have shared. I'm going to keep it that way. 

As for my sister. I don't feel like that is a valid reason to not like someone and my girlfriend doesn't have a record. So I think it's just an excuse. 

 

Edited by Hitchens
  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

18 minutes ago, Hitchens said:

As for my sister. I don't feel like that is a valid reason to not like someone and my girlfriend doesn't have a record. So I think it's just an excuse. 

Isn’t it awkward when you guys are around her though since you know she doesn’t like her? Like has it affected your relationship with your sister at all? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

44 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

My sister’s ex was a huge a***ole. He was ab**ive and a drug addict (I mentioned him in a previous post in this thread). He and my sister wanted to keep it a secret. I already knew about it because he used to date one of my best friends and she told me about. I told my family about it and he reacted very aggressively towards me and told me to keep his f***ing name out of my mouth. I kind of hate talking about it because it brings back painful memories that I’d rather just forget forever.

Sometimes you just have to fight.. that's better than being a co*a*d.

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

Isn’t it awkward when you guys are around her though since you know she doesn’t like her? Like has it affected your relationship with your sister at all? 

I don't have a good relationship with either of my siblings. I don't get along with my brother and my sister seems to abhor me. No, it doesn't bother me. I'm 10 years their senior, I have no issues with never seeing them again. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Unless it was an ab**ive situation, I’d most likely just keep my mouth shut. Maybe tell the person one time, in a non combative way, and then grin and bear it. It’s a bit different if it’s ab**ive, because some people really genuinely can’t recognize it especially in situations that aren’t physically ab**ive. But honestly all one can do is voice their concerns and hope for the best. 

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 minutes ago, Bellamy said:

Unless it was an ab**ive situation, I’d most likely just keep my mouth shut. Maybe tell the person one time, in a non combative way, and then grin and bear it. It’s a bit different if it’s ab**ive, because some people really genuinely can’t recognize it especially in situations that aren’t physically ab**ive. But honestly all one can do is voice their concerns and hope for the best. 

Like I said in my previous post, I did say something when my sister was with her ex. And yes, it was an ab**ive situation involving drug addiction, just not physically ab**ive (but, even if it did turn physical, I wouldn’t know about it because they would have hid it and kept it a secret.. so tbh, he could have hit her before for all I know). Then they get mad at me for saying something as if I’m the bad guy, meanwhile, he’s the one being an ab**ive drug addict and all I did was speak up.

Edited by summerlusk
  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

Like I said in my previous post, I did say something when my sister was with her ex. And yes, it was an ab**ive situation involving drug addiction, just not physically ab**ive (but, even if it did turn physical, I wouldn’t know about it because they would have hid it and kept it a secret.. so tbh, he could have hit her before for all I know). Then they get mad at me for saying something as if I’m the bad guy, meanwhile, he’s the one being an ab**ive drug addict and all I did was speak up.

One way or another, d'rug a'ddiction does destroy relationships. So it doesn't matter whether you hold your peace or say something.  I agree that you did the right thing in voicing your concerns to her and asking them to seek help. My daughter has voiced her concern to her mom about her problems and the guy she's with who enables her. Those concerns went completely ignored & for whatever immoral reason my ex wife just gets angry when her family and our k'ids have begged her to stop, begged her to leave her d'rug dealer, begged her to go rehab, have begged her to seek therapy, and she doesn't care. 

I still haven't figured out what made her snap one day and to flush her life this far down the commode. 

When my ex wife calls me. All she does is lie to me. "Oh I'm getting better", "Oh I'm clean now" , "Oh I'm in a better place" so on and so forth. It's the same thing every time. She obviously thinks that her "magical" words can undo or keep the damage she's caused at bay. I always tell her, "I want evidence, I want it in writing from a doctor, I want a clean blood test, place of employment, check stubs, lease agreement, car title, a note from your rehab councilor, etc." 

I want evidence. I don't want a story. 

She says all of this crap because she's not happy that I have full custody. She says it to convince me to let her see the k'ids without her mom involved and that's not going to happen. 

  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Hitchens said:

One way or another, d'rug a'ddiction does destroy relationships. So it doesn't matter whether you hold your peace or say something.  I agree that you did the right thing in voicing your concerns to her and asking them to seek help. My daughter has voiced her concern to her mom about her problems and the guy she's with who enables her. Those concerns went completely ignored & for whatever immoral reason my ex wife just gets angry when her family and our k'ids have begged her to stop, begged her to leave her d'rug dealer, begged her to go rehab, have begged her to seek therapy, and she doesn't care. 

I still haven't figured out what made her snap one day and to flush her life this far down the commode. 

When my ex wife calls me. All she does is lie to me. "Oh I'm getting better", "Oh I'm clean now" , "Oh I'm in a better place" so on and so forth. It's the same thing every time. She obviously thinks that her "magical" words can undo or keep the damage she's caused at bay. I always tell her, "I want evidence, I want it in writing from a doctor, I want a clean blood test, place of employment, check stubs, lease agreement, car title, a note from your rehab councilor, etc." 

I want evidence. I don't want a story. 

She says all of this crap because she's not happy that I have full custody. She says it to convince me to let her see the k'ids without her mom involved and that's not going to happen. 

One thing I’m grateful for is although my sister was with an addict, she never became an addict. And to be brutally honest, when he passed away it put an end to everything.

10 minutes ago, Gnostic Christian said:

I lived happily ever after, when I ignored a loving friend who did not trust my love judgement.

Regards

DL

Okay? I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make.

  • Heart 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

One thing I’m grateful for is although my sister was with an addict, she never became an addict. And to be brutally honest, when he passed away it put an end to everything.

I'm glad she knew not to use & didn't fall into that.

21 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

Okay? I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make.

And is this point offensive and full of bs?

31 minutes ago, Gnostic Christian said:

I lived happily ever after, when I ignored a loving friend who did not trust my love judgement.

Not everyone's life is like yours. If you're going to be a douche bag about it. Shut up.

Edited by Hitchens
  • Star 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

36 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

One thing I’m grateful for is although my sister was with an addict, she never became an addict. And to be brutally honest, when he passed away it put an end to everything.

Okay? I’m not sure what point you’re trying to make.

You trust your judgements, and doing unto others says that you should let them trust theirs as well.

If you begin your moral thinking with the Golden Rule, voilà.

Regards

DL

  • Blank 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...