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a tale of long unfortunate events (A'BUSE) (TW)


bones
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Hello All,

Sorry I've been away from the forum for a while.

It's a shame.. because I remember in October I had been promising you all that I would show you my xtina costume but in the midst of all that.. there was so much going on behind closed doors that I didn't even dress up for Halloween, despite the amount of money that I spent, despite everything.

The person that has been causing me anguish is the person who has been squatting in my apartment since I got it. 

He has been extremely abusi've, including trying to take my phone away from me, throwing me to the ground by the neck, keeping me hostage in my own apartment, causing me to get a "cease or quit" notice from my landlord because he has caused so much commotion and noise by yelling and screaming at me that I have been thr***ened that I will be evicted if this happens once more. I have had the cops called to my apartment twice now. I contacted a Domestic Violence hotline, and got some advice there. I had been recording him without him knowing numerous times to show his ab**e. I got a secret camera as well, (hasn't arrive yet, but oh well). 

This morning was the last straw for me. 

For months, this individual has been abusing me not only physically and mentally, but also by manipulation, taking my med*cation, saying I am nothing without him, saying that I would not have my apartment without him, saying that he can get me evicted at any time, and pretty much removing all freedom I even had. Now, you may be thinking, didn't you just get out of a disastrous situation? Yes. This has been happening since that ended. I am terrified every single day of what's to happen to me.

He also hasn't paid a dime for this apartment and still thinks he has rights to it. 

So this morning, he asked me for one of my med*cations. Now, he asks me every single day and if I don't give one up to him (he asks for a'dderall, and he also asks for k'lonopins) he either starts a giant argument, or he claims he will bring d'rug dealers in my apartment when I am not there to sell him it. He is constantly thr'eatening me. But this morning I had enough. He asked for a k'lonopin and I simply said "I am not your ph'armacy. I'm sorry, but no. If you were feeling anxiety I might consider it, but you are not." and he said to me "I just want to relax", and I said "well, do that WITHOUT my med*cation." and he then threw my lunch bag I packed for work at my face, kept the door out of my reach so I could not leave. He started to thr'eaten me and grabbed me by the neck once more. 

I ended up getting out of there and of course there was a flood of text messages and phone calls. 

He then thr'eatened to leave my belongings outside of my apartment while I was at work.

I immediately hung up and called his mother. His mother blamed the fact that he has not had his "med*cation" for two days. What she doesn't know is that he ab'uses me like this daily. He is currently begging for me back and to me, I have dealt with this for far too long.

I have grounds for a protective order now at this point.

He is sending me messages as if I am stupid, as if everything is alright and he will never treat me that way again.

I am stuck in this situation but I feel like an end is in sight for whatever reason.

I miss my freedom. I miss being able to research, being able to write, go on my laptop, play XBOX, I haven't done anything at all. I didn't even get to dress up on Halloween. 

I just want some opinions. I feel so alone.

 

Also, I'm sorry for being gone so long.

I'm taking my power back from him.

Edited by bones
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10 minutes ago, bones said:

Hello All,

Hey. I'm glad you're back.  I was wondering where you went. I know you're having some issues with a sociopathic monster at the moment. It's going to be okay. 

11 minutes ago, bones said:

It's a shame.. because I remember in October I had been promising you all that I would show you my xtina costume but in the midst of all that.. there was so much going on behind closed doors that I didn't even dress up for Halloween, despite the amount of money that I spent, despite everything.

I would love to see that sometime. Bu that's okay due to your harsh circumstances. 

12 minutes ago, bones said:

He has been extremely abusi've, including trying to take my phone away from me, throwing me to the ground by the neck, keeping me hostage in my own apartment, causing me to get a "cease or quit" notice from my landlord because he has caused so much commotion and noise by yelling and screaming at me that I have been thr***ened that I will be evicted if this happens once more. I have had the cops called to my apartment twice now. I contacted a Domestic Violence hotline, and got some advice there. I had been recording him without him knowing numerous times to show his ab**e. I got a secret camera as well, (hasn't arrive yet, but oh well). 

If the landlord is already fed up. Sounds like an eviction may be in order. I think this is best that way you can go stay at a hotel till you can find another apartment or rental to live in. This time, without an insane, misogynistic, man c*hild. 

14 minutes ago, bones said:

He also hasn't paid a dime for this apartment and still thinks he has rights to it. 

If his name is on the lease and I felt the same way about my ex wife. Sadly the police will tell you that he has rights to it even though he hasn't paid. 

15 minutes ago, bones said:

So this morning, he asked me for one of my med*cations. Now, he asks me every single day and if I don't give one up to him (he asks for a'dderall, and he also asks for k'lonopins) he either starts a giant argument, or he claims he will bring d'rug dealers in my apartment when I am not there to sell him it. He is constantly thr'eatening me. But this morning I had enough. He asked for a k'lonopin and I simply said "I am not your ph'armacy. I'm sorry, but no. If you were feeling anxiety I might consider it, but you are not." and he said to me "I just want to relax", and I said "well, do that WITHOUT my med*cation." and he then threw my lunch bag I packed for work at my face, kept the door out of my reach so I could not leave. He started to thr'eaten me and grabbed me by the neck once more. 

He needs his a*ss beat real good for him. You'd be surprised what a good flogging can do for someone's attitude. No man should ever treat a woman like that. 

17 minutes ago, bones said:

I ended up getting out of there and of course there was a flood of text messages and phone calls. 

He then thr'eatened to leave my belongings outside of my apartment while I was at work.

Are you keeping the messages?

19 minutes ago, bones said:

I immediately hung up and called his mother. His mother blamed the fact that he has not had his "med*cation" for two days. What she doesn't know is that he ab'uses me like this daily. He is currently begging for me back and to me, I have dealt with this for far too long.

I would sit down and talk to his parents. Beg them for help. There's no excuse for what he's doing. Maybe they can get him to sign over the lease and move back in with them. If not, then you're looking at an eviction or moving out anyway. I can't see it any other way. 

21 minutes ago, bones said:

I have grounds for a protective order now at this point. I'm taking my power back from him.

I wish you the best in your endeavor. You have my deepest sympathies. 

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5 minutes ago, Kaitlind said:

Man, I am so sorry you're in this situation. I wish there was something I could do to help. As stated above, you should go stay in a hotel if you have enough money or try to talk with his parents. I truly hope you can get away from him and I hope the best for you.

Really. I think when she gets home. She should give him 3 of her clonazepam. Let him pass out. Take what she can carry and pack it into her trunk, & go stay in a hotel & call her landlord and try and come to an arrangement. Go back when she can have someone haul her stuff to a storage. I feel that her being at that apartment isn't an option. He's a danger to her and to himself. It's not safe. 

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4 minutes ago, Hitchens said:

Really. I think when she gets home. She should give him 3 of her clonazepam. Let him pass out. Take what she can carry and pack it into her trunk, & go stay in a hotel & call her landlord and try and come to an arrangement. Go back when she can have someone haul her stuff to a storage. I feel that her being at that apartment isn't an option. He's a danger to her and to himself. It's not safe. 

Yes agreed!

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@Kaitlind @Hitchens

Thank you both for your input. Sometimes I wish this was an in-person group meeting, like AA or something. 

I spoke with his mother this morning and something she said was "If you are terrified of him, one of you has to move out."

Well, yes. But if it's ME who has to move out, I would like something in writing or some way with my name off the lease. 

A coworker of mine said I can stay with him until I find a place if he does decide to do this.

One of my other friends had the idea that I set up the hidden camera and then just allow him to do his work by himself and then I'll have everything on camera. I don't want to wait any longer. Most of the threats were originally said vocally over the phone, but when I confronted him about these issues in the middle of his begging and apologies, he kept admitting to what he did to me this morning.

I am at a loss for words. 

His mother texted me just before as I am at work saying "How is everything, did you break up?"

(Mind you, I was never asked to be this person's girlfriend)

I said, I have a lot to think about and I need to speak with him. This is not unique. This has happened way too many times. 

She said she understood, and that she is there for both of us. Now, I do need to have a talk with his parents because I cannot do this on my own. I need him away from me. Not a night or day goes by where I am not insulted or thr***ened. Every time he screams at me in my apartment I get so terrified because one more time with the cops called I will be evicted. So now, I have been trying to get out of the apartment as soon as he starts screaming meanwhile HE SHOULD BE LEAVING THIS IS MY f***ING APARTMENT I FEEL LIKE YELLING GET THE f*** OUT OF MY DAMN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God. 

I just need to be me again.

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46 minutes ago, bones said:

@Kaitlind @Hitchens

Thank you both for your input. Sometimes I wish this was an in-person group meeting, like AA or something. 

You're welcome. 

46 minutes ago, bones said:

I spoke with his mother this morning and something she said was "If you are terrified of him, one of you has to move out."

Tell her he's not paying the rent. That he keeps putting his hands on you and being a*busive. Ask her to talk to him about removing himself from the lease and moving back in with them. If he's sorry for what he's done. He'll show it by moving out. 

46 minutes ago, bones said:

Well, yes. But if it's ME who has to move out, I would like something in writing or some way with my name off the lease. 

I totally agree. I signed a form to have my name taken off the lease. But the only way the manager of the apartments would do it is if my ex wife had a job. IF she didn't get a job and provide a check stub or get a paper work from her job. Then she would have had to move out. And she'd gotten a job that week. So it was me who had to move out and my family didn't think that was fair because I'd worked that year and paid for the place. 

46 minutes ago, bones said:

 His mother texted me just before as I am at work saying "How is everything, did you break up?"

If you haven't already. I would tell her everything that's going on. I would try to appeal to her morality and get her to deal with him. I really do hope she's nothing like her scum bag son. Perhaps she can help with the situation instead of just standing by and hoping the situation will unf*uck itself. Because if she does that, it just sounds like they dumped him, being their problem, off onto you for you to take care of and that's not fair. 

46 minutes ago, bones said:

(Mind you, I was never asked to be this person's girlfriend)

That's a piece of the story that I would like to hear. 

46 minutes ago, bones said:

I said, I have a lot to think about and I need to speak with him. This is not unique. This has happened way too many times. 

But hasn't talking to him proved to be a waste of time? He doesn't listen to you. He rages at you like a toddler with autism when he doesn't get his way. What's the point? 

46 minutes ago, bones said:

She said she understood, and that she is there for both of us. Now, I do need to have a talk with his parents because I cannot do this on my own. I need him away from me. Not a night or day goes by where I am not insulted or thr***ened. Every time he screams at me in my apartment I get so terrified because one more time with the cops called I will be evicted. So now, I have been trying to get out of the apartment as soon as he starts screaming meanwhile HE SHOULD BE LEAVING THIS IS MY f***ING APARTMENT I FEEL LIKE YELLING GET THE f*** OUT OF MY DAMN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would hope that she understands. If she does, she should prove it. By that I mean get with his father & intervene and take some initiative by making him move back in with them. If you have to, invite them over. Sit down with them and talk. Call him out in front of them on his bs. 

Really though. If there's a quick way out of this. Take it. Don't stick it out any longer than you have to. There's no need. There's no point. There's no reason to. 

Edited by Hitchens
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44 minutes ago, bones said:

@Kaitlind @Hitchens

Thank you both for your input. Sometimes I wish this was an in-person group meeting, like AA or something. 

I spoke with his mother this morning and something she said was "If you are terrified of him, one of you has to move out."

Well, yes. But if it's ME who has to move out, I would like something in writing or some way with my name off the lease. 

A coworker of mine said I can stay with him until I find a place if he does decide to do this.

One of my other friends had the idea that I set up the hidden camera and then just allow him to do his work by himself and then I'll have everything on camera. I don't want to wait any longer. Most of the threats were originally said vocally over the phone, but when I confronted him about these issues in the middle of his begging and apologies, he kept admitting to what he did to me this morning.

I am at a loss for words. 

His mother texted me just before as I am at work saying "How is everything, did you break up?"

(Mind you, I was never asked to be this person's girlfriend)

I said, I have a lot to think about and I need to speak with him. This is not unique. This has happened way too many times. 

She said she understood, and that she is there for both of us. Now, I do need to have a talk with his parents because I cannot do this on my own. I need him away from me. Not a night or day goes by where I am not insulted or thr***ened. Every time he screams at me in my apartment I get so terrified because one more time with the cops called I will be evicted. So now, I have been trying to get out of the apartment as soon as he starts screaming meanwhile HE SHOULD BE LEAVING THIS IS MY f***ING APARTMENT I FEEL LIKE YELLING GET THE f*** OUT OF MY DAMN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God. 

I just need to be me again.

What about going to the police and showing them the proof you have of him being ab**ive? 

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17 hours ago, Hitchens said:

I would hope that she understands. If she does, she should prove it. By that I mean get with his father & intervene and take some initiative by making him move back in with them. If you have to, invite them over. Sit down with them and talk. Call him out in front of them on his bs. 

Really though. If there's a quick way out of this. Take it. Don't stick it out any longer than you have to. There's no need. There's no point. There's no reason to. 

Last night, it got so bad that within all the screaming, insults, and threats- I called his parents twice and thr***ened the police. 

He started a scene on many different levels, but I explained to his mother I can no longer live with him or be by him. 

She claims that should be okay. Let's hope things move forward.

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2 hours ago, bones said:

Last night, it got so bad that within all the screaming, insults, and threats- I called his parents twice and thr***ened the police. 

He started a scene on many different levels, but I explained to his mother I can no longer live with him or be by him. 

She claims that should be okay. Let's hope things move forward.

 

What happened about the idea of giving him some of your clonazepam, waiting for him to pass out on your couch, and you packing a suit case and going to stay in a motel until you could find a new place to live? 

I completely understand that you feel cheated out of your apartment. I more than anyone would have loved to see you win in this outcome. But it's not happening. And this guy is bad for your health & you've already lost the apartment to him. Grab what you can, go stick it out in a hotel, quit paying the rent, call your landlord, cut your losses. Move on with your life. 

I just remember you saying that you were staying out of a motel before. I'm not understanding something here. Can you explain it to me better?

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Nope. I went home after yesterday's events. 

He would not stop badgering me about "whether or not we are still together", I said no.

He said I love you, and I did not respond. All h**l broke loose. I called his parents twice and then thr***ened the police.

His mother claims that they agree with me and that he should move out of my apartment. I believe I should stay with some friends until he is completely moved out.

Not in a motel, probably should be. I don't know what I should do for tonight.

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17 minutes ago, bones said:

Nope. I went home after yesterday's events. 

Why?

17 minutes ago, bones said:

He would not stop badgering me about "whether or not we are still together", I said no. He said I love you, and I did not respond. All h**l broke loose. I called his parents twice and then thr***ened the police.

I haven't really heard that part of the story. First he's a friend, then he's squatting, then he's not on the lease, but now he is on the lease. I'm not understanding how you both ended up in an apartment together let alone him and his family believing you're together. 

17 minutes ago, bones said:

His mother claims that they agree with me and that he should move out of my apartment.

I'm in no way defending this man. I've never met either of you.

But when you're both on the lease. The law assumes both of you are paying for it and therefor the apartment falls to both of you. So if we sat down with a police officer and you told them that his name is on the lease. They're going to say that he's a tenet and that he has rights to that apartment as it's not officially or legally just your apartment in name. If it truly was your apartment, the authorities would have had him out by now and that wouldn't have taken this long. 

When you met with your landlord and signed the legal document. Why did he sign his name too? 

The landlord should have or did go over that with you when you sit down with them. 

I feel like I just didn't hear the entire story from you. 

17 minutes ago, bones said:

I believe I should stay with some friends until he is completely moved out.

So you're saying you did have some where else you could have gone while he was antagonizing you?

17 minutes ago, bones said:

Not in a motel, probably should be.

The reason why I mentioned hotel/ motel was that you mentioned you'd been staying out of one before and that you have a really good job that pays well. In turn I asserted that was something you could pull off. If that wasn't the case. I apologize. You know yourself better than anyone here on the forum.

17 minutes ago, bones said:

I don't know what I should do for tonight.

Your choice. If he's as bad as you say that he is. Then why go hang out at the apartment while he's there? 

I guess your other 2 options "Friend or Hotel" sounds like the more valid choice. It's your life, your choice. 

The defense rests. 

Edited by Hitchens
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I’m so sorry this is happening. I’m so glad you got away
 

Something to try. If you have receipts from your rent payments that show your name not his. Some landlords will evict the non paying party and enforce it for you. Even if the lease is in his name. Landlords usually don’t want to lose steady payments and they will work with you.

My previous neighbor did this and I testified to the noises being her ab**ive partner. You might have neighbors who will do the same for you if you ask. I was more than happy to testify to get our local a***ole evicted and his gf and k***s staying. You already have a protective order you can show them too. 

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On 12/8/2021 at 12:22 PM, Hitchens said:

Why?

I haven't really heard that part of the story. First he's a friend, then he's squatting, then he's not on the lease, but now he is on the lease. I'm not understanding how you both ended up in an apartment together let alone him and his family believing you're together. 

I'm in no way defending this man. I've never met either of you.

But when you're both on the lease. The law assumes both of you are paying for it and therefor the apartment falls to both of you. So if we sat down with a police officer and you told them that his name is on the lease. They're going to say that he's a tenet and that he has rights to that apartment as it's not officially or legally just your apartment in name. If it truly was your apartment, the authorities would have had him out by now and that wouldn't have taken this long. 

When you met with your landlord and signed the legal document. Why did he sign his name too? 

The landlord should have or did go over that with you when you sit down with them. 

I feel like I just didn't hear the entire story from you. 

So you're saying you did have some where else you could have gone while he was antagonizing you?

The reason why I mentioned hotel/ motel was that you mentioned you'd been staying out of one before and that you have a really good job that pays well. In turn I asserted that was something you could pull off. If that wasn't the case. I apologize. You know yourself better than anyone here on the forum.

Your choice. If he's as bad as you say that he is. Then why go hang out at the apartment while he's there? 

I guess your other 2 options "Friend or Hotel" sounds like the more valid choice. It's your life, your choice. 

The defense rests. 

Alright, alright, alright. 

I wad screwed by a realtor. This realtor gave me an incorrect credit score back and said I needed a co-sign. He was my friend at the time. His father said he would do it. 

His father suggested the idea AT THE SIGNING for him to also be on the lease since he is co-signing while I was in the bathroom. I came back and they told me the plan and I thought it would be alright, because he said he did not plan on “living there” but just helping me move, and if I needed a roommate he would already be on the lease. For some reason I thought his father meant that by him CO-SIGNING he was automatically on the lease. I mixed that up. He actually put him on the lease. 

Low and behold, I never needed a co-sign and the realtor falsified my credit score. 

His family knows I have left him. 

I have begged them for help. 

They refuse. 

The story is confusing but I pay everything for this place and have zero family to turn to, and nowhere else to go. 

I feel blamed. 

@Hitchens

On 12/9/2021 at 4:15 AM, Rosie O-Donnell said:

I’m so sorry this is happening. I’m so glad you got away
 

Something to try. If you have receipts from your rent payments that show your name not his. Some landlords will evict the non paying party and enforce it for you. Even if the lease is in his name. Landlords usually don’t want to lose steady payments and they will work with you.

My previous neighbor did this and I testified to the noises being her ab**ive partner. You might have neighbors who will do the same for you if you ask. I was more than happy to testify to get our local a***ole evicted and his gf and k***s staying. You already have a protective order you can show them too. 

Thank you so much. 

I have receipts of every single thing from the first months rent, security deposit, brokers fee, november’s rent, and december’s. all receipts from bank checks. with my full name on it. 

On 12/8/2021 at 12:22 PM, Hitchens said:

First he's a friend, then he's squatting, then he's not on the lease, but now he is on the lease.

I did not know he was actually on the lease. 

I assumed it was just his father as a co-sign and they didn’t put his name. Low and behold they actually did, without my knowledge. 

I found that out yes. Sure we have been friends.  He helped me out of my last bad situation. 

But no, I did not ask him to live with me and he said he wasn’t going to. That we were friends. 

What I mean by squatting is not paying any f***ing money toward the apartment I solely paid for and subtly putting a name on the lease when I was confused about it all. 

to me, a SQUATTER is someone who does not pay, refuses to leave, and was never invited. 

I have begged his parents for help. 

I now have resorted to legal counsel and I will be staying in Homewood Suites until he is out.  

I was manipulated, used, and confused out of my mind. 

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33 minutes ago, bones said:

Alright, alright, alright. 

I wad screwed by a realtor. This realtor gave me an incorrect credit score back and said I needed a co-sign. He was my friend at the time. His father said he would do it. 

His father suggested the idea AT THE SIGNING for him to also be on the lease since he is co-signing while I was in the bathroom. I came back and they told me the plan and I thought it would be alright, because he said he did not plan on “living there” but just helping me move, and if I needed a roommate he would already be on the lease. For some reason I thought his father meant that by him CO-SIGNING he was automatically on the lease. I mixed that up. He actually put him on the lease. 

Low and behold, I never needed a co-sign and the realtor falsified my credit score. 

His family knows I have left him. 

I have begged them for help. 

They refuse. 

The story is confusing but I pay everything for this place and have zero family to turn to, and nowhere else to go. 

I feel blamed. 

@Hitchens

Thank you so much. 

I have receipts of every single thing from the first months rent, security deposit, brokers fee, november’s rent, and december’s. all receipts from bank checks. with my full name on it. 

I did not know he was actually on the lease. 

I assumed it was just his father as a co-sign and they didn’t put his name. Low and behold they actually did, without my knowledge. 

I found that out yes. Sure we have been friends.  He helped me out of my last bad situation. 

But no, I did not ask him to live with me and he said he wasn’t going to. That we were friends. 

What I mean by squatting is not paying any f***ing money toward the apartment I solely paid for and subtly putting a name on the lease when I was confused about it all. 

to me, a SQUATTER is someone who does not pay, refuses to leave, and was never invited. 

I have begged his parents for help. 

I now have resorted to legal counsel and I will be staying in Homewood Suites until he is out.  

I was manipulated, used, and confused out of my mind. 

That makes sense & clears up a lot of things in the story. It sounds as if his parents had planned on dumping him off onto you from day 1 and aren't helping because they don't want to deal with the bullsh'it he's causing. 

It just looks like they were looking for an opportunity to bail on this guy and I can see why. His parents are tired of him. Great, here you go. He's your problem now.

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3 minutes ago, Hitchens said:

That makes sense & clears up a lot of things in the story. It sounds as if his parents had planned on dumping him off onto you from day 1 and aren't helping because they don't want to deal with the bullsh'it he's causing. 

It just looks like they were looking for an opportunity to bail on this guy and I can see why. His parents are tired of him. Great, here you go. He's your problem now.

You’re exactly right. 

My next plan: Since his parents have incessantly begged me not to call the police on him, I am going to have to try and have one more conversation with them. I will tell them I will not call the police or proceed with legal action if they allow me to remove him off the lease, I can get a new co-sign. If they don’t agree, I will suggest paying me in FULL for the security deposit, first months rent, and broker fee, and then remove me off the lease if that’s what they want. But if they agree to none of this, I am proceeding heavily with legal action. 

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3 minutes ago, bones said:

You’re exactly right. 

My next plan: Since his parents have incessantly begged me not to call the police on him, I am going to have to try and have one more conversation with them. I will tell them I will not call the police or proceed with legal action if they allow me to remove him off the lease, I can get a new co-sign. If they don’t agree, I will suggest paying me in FULL for the security deposit, first months rent, and broker fee, and then remove me off the lease if that’s what they want. But if they agree to none of this, I am proceeding heavily with legal action. 

I think they're going to do anything & everything to keep him your problem. They're going to ride it out as long as they can. 

Aside from that. I think you have a good plan. 

Have you done it yet or are you still mulling it over?

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