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Is lying ever a good thing?


jafafajafuf
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I was asked this in treatment, (and many times before cause yenno, its a fun question to ask and hear people explain their reasonings), and it always makes me giggle to hear people say "Yes!!" because their justification is usually about the "small things." Whereas, from my point of view, lying about small things add up quick and can get you in a lot of trouble down the line. Its better to be honest about how you feel up-front instead of saving face. Why would you want to be around someone who you can't be your authentic self with?? 🤔 

Also, kinda off topic but not really, if you think something s*cks, say it with your chest. Don't tiptoe around me like I'm made of glass, lying to me like I'm some broken doll. Yes I'm sensitive, but I know the difference between someone making a comment about my actions and someone making a comment about me as a person. The problem lies when the person making the comment can't tell the difference and openly insults you, thinking its healthy criticism. You can get your point across about an action without being judgmental towards the person themselves. Unless what you're commenting on is like, them enjoying to drink dog water and hit animals, then we have an issue and I think you're gr*ss haha.

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I think it largely depends on the person. If it's someone you feel you have to lie to, despite the fact they're good or bad. Then it's probably a relationship or a friendship you shouldn't be in. Family is complicated. There's always a particular family member you feel the need to lie to. 

Now before you read further. I'm in no way justifying it or saying it's morally right or wrong. We all have our reasons as of why we do things. 

I do lie to certain members in my family. I fully admit that I lie. I look at it as misinformation that I tend to pass on. 

An example  is my mother and she can't take stress at all. She has meltdowns and it doesn't take much to put her in a bad mood. So she chews me out over stupid things that don't matter. The problem with that is her meltdowns towards me can go on for a week. I don't feel like I can tell her anything let alone the truth. Certain subjects like Covid, because she's a germaphobe who got covid anyway, is a trigger for her.  So a lot of what she hears from me is misinformation or I withhold things. Because it's not "need to know" for her. If it results in her antagonizing me. She doesn't need to know. Its none of her business. 

You know it's bad when your own daughter calls her grandmother, my mom, a "karen". Because it's the truth. She is a karen. She has mental issues and she won't see a therapist or get on med*cation for her problems. 

She has completely put me and her grandk'ids in a corner where we feel that we can't tell her anything. So yea, I tell her comforting lies because she looks for excuses to be angry with me. It's bullsh'it. 

comforting-lies-vs-unpleasant-truths-640

My daughter came home and told me a story about something that happened at school. One particular story is that one of my daughter's friends at school got sent home and quarantined. It was about covid. The school didn't contact me because my daughter wasn't infected. Her friend came back clean when she was tested. 

Anyways, she had a dentist appt and my mom took her. My daughter tells her this story. Not a very smart idea. When my mom has a meltdown. She h***sses you. She's that person that you want to knock punch in the mouth because doesn't stop. 

She flipped sh'it about the Covid story. I told her it wasn't a big deal. The school didn't think it was a problem because my daughter didn't have it. So why make a problem out of nothing? 

Anyways she went to say that you never know when someone has it. Her whole argument was invalid. I work every day, I'm exposed. My k'ids go to school through the week, they're exposed to k'ids that get it and get sent home. Neither of us has had it to our knowledge. 

And the hypocrisy of it is that my mom got the virus from my nephew, who got it from his mom, whom is a cop. She watches him. 

Anyways, she kept texting and calling my work all day b'itching at me about it. 

And she is aware that I lie to her. I told her "truth or a lie. I don't like telling you anything"

Her having her meltdowns is exactly why. I don't like putting up with it. So the longer she stays in her little fantasy land, the better. 

I don't have a good relationship with my mom at all. I only visit her once a year. 3 times at the most. I hate going to her house. I hate that she puts my brother on a pedestal. I hate it when she praises him.  She makes every excuse not to spend time with my k'ids but has every excuse to watch my nephew because he doesn't have a dad. Well, my k'ids don't have a mom anymore because she's too busy getting high. That excuse p'isses me off. 

There's a lot of problems in our relationship that has been addressed but she refuses to improve on. She doesn't feel that she has to. 

So, I put it at the back of my mind and I have low expectations of her. It really puts the saying "Keep your expectations low and you're never disappointed" into perspective. 

Everyone in my life has disappointed me. My parents failed me. My siblings have failed me. My ex wife failed me. Every friend I picked failed me. 

So I'm used to being disappointed. I'm used to getting into t'oxic relationships where I've lied my way out of things when they start acting stupid and entitled. 

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