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What do you miss the most from you’re past.


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38 minutes ago, Saphire Cotto said:

I miss not having ties to anything. I miss all the curiosity and wonderment of everything. 

That’s kinda what I was gonna say too. I miss not having any responsibilities and just the freedom of that. Almost like when ur a ch*ld, and that feeling of excitement for life and future. I’m still young and have that, but I miss the freeing feeling of no attachments/responsibilities. And how bright everything looks, before you hit the real world 

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14 hours ago, Sienna said:

That’s kinda what I was gonna say too. I miss not having any responsibilities and just the freedom of that. Almost like when ur a ch*ld, and that feeling of excitement for life and future. I’m still young and have that, but I miss the freeing feeling of no attachments/responsibilities. 

I don't miss having developed "delusions of grandeur" and being lied to by the high school & my mother that I was going to have this big future if I went to college. All this crap I was fed when I was younger. I watched several of my friend's go to college and not get the jobs or the "dreams" they wanted. I watched my ex wife go to college and she still couldn't get the job that she wanted because they told her that she had "no experience in the field". Dreams are nice. But don't be fooled by them. Always hope for the best and prepare for the worst in life and you won't be disappointed. Good things come along. Just don't wait for 'em to happen. 

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1 hour ago, Mr.Dawn said:

I don't miss having developed "delusions of grandeur" and being lied to by the high school & my mother that I was going to have this big future if I went to college. All this crap I was fed when I was younger. I watched several of my friend's go to college and not get the jobs or the "dreams" they wanted. I watched my ex wife go to college and she still couldn't get the job that she wanted because they told her that she had "no experience in the field". Dreams are nice. But don't be fooled by them. Always hope for the best and prepare for the worst in life and you won't be disappointed. Good things come along. Just don't wait for 'em to happen. 

Good point ignorance is bliss until you learn. So what do you miss? 

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2 hours ago, Saphire Cotto said:

Good point ignorance is bliss until you learn. So what do you miss? 

I don't know if there's a good a reason for me to miss anything from my past. I was raised inadvertently to be a very angry & pissed off person because it seemed the people in my life were trying to live through me rather than for me. A lot of people have failed me as I've grown up and become an adult. My father walked out on me early in my life. He was a constant & consistent failure as a parent.

My mom suffers from emotional problems because of her strict up brining & she thought indoctrinating her religion onto me would somehow give me the best life ever when all it did was add to my emotional distress. So religion failed because supernatural things like gods, vampires, & unicorns don't exist and all of religion has petty and stupid rules that they want you to follow.

My step father f'ucking hated me since I was 7 years old. He has always wanted me out of the picture. He beat both of his daughters when they were teenagers and he ran them off. He and my mom had this wonderful idea of starting a whole new family. It was all out with the "old" and in with the new. And life doesn't work that way. They're both delusional. 

After my brother was born when I was 11. Step Dad lied and said that I was planning his new born son's m'urder. So they stuck me in a psychiatric ward for 2 months. Their story was the exact same damn plotline from the "Good Son" with Macaulay Culkin where he dr*wns his baby brother in the bath tub over a toy that was a hand me down. The verdict was that the therapist didn't believe their story. So I got to come home early. 

Soon as I got home, they sent me off to live with my real father for 3 years and he was just as bad. 

I though there was some sense knocked into her because he was physically a'busive. He used to beat her. One day when I was living with her. She divorced him. But that didn't last long. His first request was that he wanted me gone and soon as he and my mom got back together after their divorce when I was 17,they threw the blame on to me like a scape goat and I moved in with my grandparents not long after.

My relationship with my brother is that we're enemies. They successfully indoctrinated religion and were able to turn him into the se*ist and immoral a'sshole that he's become today. 

My other half sister wants nothing to do with me. She hates everyone. 

My closest friends betrayed me. My ex wife betrayed me. 

 My whole past is made up of disappointments & I don't want to go back and live in a time full of those hardships. What happiness I did have was me trying to make good out of a bad situation. People made my life difficult just because I'm neither a charismatic or likeable person. It was easier to dislike me & point out my wrongs then it was to give me a chance and put aside the negativity and starting conflict. 

On top of that. They ran off every girlfriend I had. They ran off friends. They completely and successfully isolated me. 

I became addicted to video games as a coping mechanism. Which is why I don't want to play them as much. I feel like I ignored my life to a degree. 

So me missing something from the past would also be stating that I miss the emotional and mental distress that it took me for me to become delusional to "believe" I had some form of happiness. I wasn't happy then. I thought I was. But I'd be sorely mistaken to ever say that I was. 

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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5 hours ago, Mr.Dawn said:

I don't know if there's a good a reason for me to miss anything from my past. I was raised inadvertently to be a very angry & pissed off person because it seemed the people in my life were trying to live through me rather than for me. A lot of people have failed me as I've grown up and become an adult. My father walked out on me early in my life. He was a constant & consistent failure as a parent.

My mom suffers from emotional problems because of her strict up brining & she thought indoctrinating her religion onto me would somehow give me the best life ever when all it did was add to my emotional distress. So religion failed because supernatural things like gods, vampires, & unicorns don't exist and all of religion has petty and stupid rules that they want you to follow.

My step father f'ucking hated me since I was 7 years old. He has always wanted me out of the picture. He beat both of his daughters when they were teenagers and he ran them off. He and my mom had this wonderful idea of starting a whole new family. It was all out with the "old" and in with the new. And life doesn't work that way. They're both delusional. 

After my brother was born when I was 11. Step Dad lied and said that I was planning his new born son's m'urder. So they stuck me in a psychiatric ward for 2 months. Their story was the exact same damn plotline from the "Good Son" with Macaulay Culkin where he dr*wns his baby brother in the bath tub over a toy that was a hand me down. The verdict was that the therapist didn't believe their story. So I got to come home early. 

Soon as I got home, they sent me off to live with my real father for 3 years and he was just as bad. 

I though there was some sense knocked into her because he was physically a'busive. He used to beat her. One day when I was living with her. She divorced him. But that didn't last long. His first request was that he wanted me gone and soon as he and my mom got back together after their divorce when I was 17,they threw the blame on to me like a scape goat and I moved in with my grandparents not long after.

My relationship with my brother is that we're enemies. They successfully indoctrinated religion and were able to turn him into the se*ist and immoral a'sshole that he's become today. 

My other half sister wants nothing to do with me. She hates everyone. 

My closest friends betrayed me. My ex wife betrayed me. 

 My whole past is made up of disappointments & I don't want to go back and live in a time full of those hardships. What happiness I did have was me trying to make good out of a bad situation. People made my life difficult just because I'm neither a charismatic or likeable person. It was easier to dislike me & point out my wrongs then it was to give me a chance and put aside the negativity and starting conflict. 

On top of that. They ran off every girlfriend I had. They ran off friends. They completely and successfully isolated me. 

I became addicted to video games as a coping mechanism. Which is why I don't want to play them as much. I feel like I ignored my life to a degree. 

So me missing something from the past would also be stating that I miss the emotional and mental distress that it took me for me to become delusional to "believe" I had some form of happiness. I wasn't happy then. I thought I was. But I'd be sorely mistaken to ever say that I was. 

I can see life gave you a s***tty hand. You must be really strong. I just wondered if you may have had something you looked back on fondly. 

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5 hours ago, Mr.Dawn said:

I don't know if there's a good a reason for me to miss anything from my past. I was raised inadvertently to be a very angry & pissed off person because it seemed the people in my life were trying to live through me rather than for me. A lot of people have failed me as I've grown up and become an adult. My father walked out on me early in my life. He was a constant & consistent failure as a parent.

My mom suffers from emotional problems because of her strict up brining & she thought indoctrinating her religion onto me would somehow give me the best life ever when all it did was add to my emotional distress. So religion failed because supernatural things like gods, vampires, & unicorns don't exist and all of religion has petty and stupid rules that they want you to follow.

My step father f'ucking hated me since I was 7 years old. He has always wanted me out of the picture. He beat both of his daughters when they were teenagers and he ran them off. He and my mom had this wonderful idea of starting a whole new family. It was all out with the "old" and in with the new. And life doesn't work that way. They're both delusional. 

After my brother was born when I was 11. Step Dad lied and said that I was planning his new born son's m'urder. So they stuck me in a psychiatric ward for 2 months. Their story was the exact same damn plotline from the "Good Son" with Macaulay Culkin where he dr*wns his baby brother in the bath tub over a toy that was a hand me down. The verdict was that the therapist didn't believe their story. So I got to come home early. 

Soon as I got home, they sent me off to live with my real father for 3 years and he was just as bad. 

I though there was some sense knocked into her because he was physically a'busive. He used to beat her. One day when I was living with her. She divorced him. But that didn't last long. His first request was that he wanted me gone and soon as he and my mom got back together after their divorce when I was 17,they threw the blame on to me like a scape goat and I moved in with my grandparents not long after.

My relationship with my brother is that we're enemies. They successfully indoctrinated religion and were able to turn him into the se*ist and immoral a'sshole that he's become today. 

My other half sister wants nothing to do with me. She hates everyone. 

My closest friends betrayed me. My ex wife betrayed me. 

 My whole past is made up of disappointments & I don't want to go back and live in a time full of those hardships. What happiness I did have was me trying to make good out of a bad situation. People made my life difficult just because I'm neither a charismatic or likeable person. It was easier to dislike me & point out my wrongs then it was to give me a chance and put aside the negativity and starting conflict. 

On top of that. They ran off every girlfriend I had. They ran off friends. They completely and successfully isolated me. 

I became addicted to video games as a coping mechanism. Which is why I don't want to play them as much. I feel like I ignored my life to a degree. 

So me missing something from the past would also be stating that I miss the emotional and mental distress that it took me for me to become delusional to "believe" I had some form of happiness. I wasn't happy then. I thought I was. But I'd be sorely mistaken to ever say that I was. 

I mean, I know what you’re saying. I had some bad times in my ch*ldhood too. My parents divorced when I was about 13/14. There were some happy times though. It was both good and bad..

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51 minutes ago, Saphire Cotto said:

I can see life gave you a s***tty hand. 

I believe other people have had way worse. 

52 minutes ago, Saphire Cotto said:

You must be really strong. 

I don't know. I felt my life with my parents & my siblings was a learning experience. My marriage was my biggest disappointment. 

58 minutes ago, Saphire Cotto said:

 I just wondered if you may have had something you looked back on fondly. 

I never wanted to be a father. But here I am. My ex wife lied and said she couldn't conceive. Perhaps both times my k'ids were born. It showed me who I was. That I'm loyal and I felt a tremendous obligation to step up for them. I may not have ever wanted to be a parent. But I've owned it. 

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39 minutes ago, Mr.Dawn said:

I never wanted to be a father. But here I am. My ex wife lied and said she couldn't conceive. Perhaps both times my k'ids were born. It showed me who I was. That I'm loyal and I felt a tremendous obligation to step up for them. I may not have ever wanted to be a parent. But I've owned it. 

That’s amazing I wish more parents were like you in being fully committed 

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Not to be grim or dampen the mood, but on Sunday, my friend Lexii died at 2 pm from a severe asthma a**ack. She was only 20 years old, I'm one week older than her. She lived in Eastern PA, while I moved out here to Western PA 4 years ago, and I don't think I'm gonna make it back out there for the f**eral. I've known her since I was 11, but we got super close when she transferred in to my high school in Eastern PA. Differences caused our friendship to split up in May of this year, so she probably died thinking I hated her... 

 

but .. yeah. I miss Lexi. 

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2 hours ago, seeairuhhmist said:

Not to be grim or dampen the mood, but on Sunday, my friend Lexii died at 2 pm from a severe asthma a**ack. She was only 20 years old, I'm one week older than her. She lived in Eastern PA, while I moved out here to Western PA 4 years ago, and I don't think I'm gonna make it back out there for the f**eral. I've known her since I was 11, but we got super close when she transferred in to my high school in Eastern PA. Differences caused our friendship to split up in May of this year, so she probably died thinking I hated her... 

 

but .. yeah. I miss Lexi. 

Thank you for sharing. I hope you find the closure you need at the f**eral. 

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