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freeloaders


bones
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Okay, so.

I'm sure you all know a lot of my content is about my previous f'ucked up experiences, random research on topics I enjoy, my current f'ucked circumstances, ya know.

Anything.

But, like I said I got a new apartment that is pretty much in NYC (about 10 miles out) but I'm still in NJ. 

One of my best friends (for 10+ years) started to help me move in there, helped me move all my stuff up three flights of stairs, it was very kind of him.

But apparently, I think there must be a USE ME, I'M AN A'SS sign on my head because he has set up camp and hasn't left. 

I asked him to leave because I need some space and he has now started to beg me to stay, be my roommate, pay me for some of the rent, blah blah......

What in the f***.. how do these people leech onto me?

Is it because Parasite is my favorite movie...... Omg. Maybe.

Idk, what do you guys think of freeloaders?

Edited by bones
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You need to stop giving people stuff. If you stop giving and start asking, you may find people give you a lot, and you can finally enjoy life as someone who benefits from your relationships rather than just feels used.

A lot of times giving mutually is the best way. Never more, never less.

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2 minutes ago, Admin said:

A lot of times giving mutually is the best way. Never more, never less.

I know. I need to stop putting so much trust into everybody. Didn't think a long-term friend would start behaving this way toward me...

Is it Karma? Hasn't she done enough to me already?

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3 minutes ago, bones said:

I know. I need to stop putting so much trust into everybody. Didn't think a long-term friend would start behaving this way toward me...

Is it Karma? Hasn't she done enough to me already?

Ya gotta find people who don't make you feel that way. Just gotta let some people not be as dominant in your life so you don't have to relive that stuff over and over --- of course, maybe not aggressively part ways as that creates resentment - but maybe distance a bit so you can have more healing people in your life.

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Some people see kindness as weakness. If this is a common problem for you then you need to re-evaluate how to deal with people. 

You're biggest mistake that I've noticed is that you don't leave a way out for yourself. You have no back door exit. 

- Make sure you always have a way out. Have a no friends over rule, it'll serve you very very well as people can wear out their welcome. Some faster than others. I had a guy ask me if he could come visit me. He thought we were friends and that I'd be cool with it. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that. He apologized and didn't pursue why I told him no. And the reason is. I don't want to come up with a polite way of making people leave without them feeling sore about it.  

- Go to their house or go someplace that you both can hang out. That way you're not dependent on them to take you home. You can go when it's convenient for you. 

- Make sure you're behind the wheel. That way you can drop them off or leave when you get tired of them or get bored. 

- As far as relationships go and having them move in. Tell them you want to do a 2 month trial and talk to their parents. If things don't work out. They need a place to go and you're not having to go through h'ell or high water having to get out of a relationship you don't want to be in. 

Always leave a way out for yourself. 

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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44 minutes ago, Admin said:

but maybe distance a bit so you can have more healing people in your life.

I need to get better with this. But for some reason, whenever I think I'm out of hot lava, I slip right back in....

4 minutes ago, Mr.Dawn said:

If things don't work out. They need a place to go and you're not having to go through h'ell or high water having to get out of a relationship you don't want to be in. 

Always leave a way out for yourself. 

I let him stay last night because his job is close to my apartment.

Another mistake....

He started yelling and screaming in my apartment and he's starting to disturb my neighbors. I never raise my voice.

He is 27 years old and has never lived on his own. I think he sees me as 'a way out', or an opportunity to finally be 'on his own', even though that should require a great deal of money saved and the ability to pay your own way... *cough*.

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7 minutes ago, Mr.Dawn said:

Some people see kindness as weakness. If this is a common problem for you then you need to re-evaluate how to deal with people. 

You're fun.

paola bracho diva GIF

3 minutes ago, bones said:

He started yelling and screaming in my apartment and he's starting to disturb my neighbors. I never raise my voice.

Always upsetting when the person you're talking to loses it... being human is frustrating sometimes, especially when you're trying to calm other people down and they just can't.

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1 minute ago, Admin said:

You're fun.

paola bracho diva GIF

That he is. 

2 minutes ago, Admin said:

Always upsetting when the person you're talking to loses it... being human is frustrating sometimes, especially when you're trying to calm other people down and they just can't.

What drives me up the wall is that I have warned him now 5 times to stop raising his voice in MY apartment. 

Someone called the cops once and recorded him saying to me "I'm gonna k'ill you!" in an argument. 

That's already a strike against me- and in my lease it says if there are a certain amount of disturbances an eviction will eventually take place.

He knows this and continues to disrespect me, never gtfo, and raises his voice.

I told him to shut the f'uck up this morning and he screamed OW really loud as if I was hurting him, to try and fool people into that.

The more and more I even talk about this I start getting more terrified.

I'm a 4'9" tiny female.

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14 minutes ago, Admin said:

You're fun.

12 minutes ago, bones said:

That he is. 

have-a-drink-and-relax-winston.gif

17 minutes ago, bones said:

He started yelling and screaming in my apartment and he's starting to disturb my neighbors. I never raise my voice.

I'm sorry. I don't know why he felt that was appropriate to do that to you. That's not okay to move in with someone without their permission and then berate them for asking you to leave. You asking him for help to move  your things into your apartment was not an invitation to assume that you "wanted" him nor was it hinting that he should move in. He moved in like a roach. At least he's gone now & you don't have to put up with his s'hit. 

14 minutes ago, Admin said:

Always upsetting when the person you're talking to loses it... being human is frustrating sometimes, especially when you're trying to calm other people down and they just can't.

That's probably why I keep people at arm's length in real life. It's fun to go out and talk to someone. But it's not fun to deal with their bullsh'it or them wanting to borrow money that they'll never pay back. All my friends ever did was use me for a ride, beg for money, or want to sleep with the woman that I was with. I was just a servant to them. I'm just done with crappy friends and bad girlfriends like my ex wife that just want, want, want, & want some more. 

I complete get how @bones feels. It's frustrating to be used and discarded by an a'ss hole. 

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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8 minutes ago, Mr.Dawn said:

I'm just done with crappy friends and bad girlfriends like my ex wife that just want, want, want, & want some more. 

Yes, the never-ending cycle of BS continues.....

One stops, another creeps in...

I just wanna be alone and go on the computer and play Xbox... Can he just leave 🥲

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9 minutes ago, bones said:

Yes, the never-ending cycle of BS continues.....

One stops, another creeps in...

I just wanna be alone and go on the computer and play Xbox... Can he just leave 🥲

Yeah a lot of sociopaths are charming and are charismatic. They just can't keep up the act. Most of their relationships almost always fall apart and they v****mize their partner or spouse. One of their chronic habits is taking advantage of people and blaming it on them when it doesn't work out. Or never accepting blame for any of their actions. The bad part about sociopaths is that there is a lot them. They are roaches. They slowly creep into  your life and before you know it, you're trapped by them with no way out. They're good at trapping people and isolating them. 

" The list of common traits you might see in someone who has antisocial personality di*ord*r, says Dr. Coulter, include:

Not understanding the difference between right and wrong.

Not respecting the feelings and emotions of others.

Constant lying or deception.

Being callous.

Difficulty recognizing emotion.

Manipulation.

Arrogance.

Violating the rights of others through dishonest actions.

Impulsiveness.

Risk-taking.

Difficulty appreciating the negative aspects of their behavior. "

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/sociopath-personality-di*ord*r/

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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4 minutes ago, Mr.Dawn said:

One of their chronic habits is taking advantage of people and blaming it on them when it doesn't work out.

This. Is. Exactly. Him.

And usually, I don't like to use the term 'sociopath' so often because a lot of people pin it on anyone who appears tox*c...

But I do believe this wholeheartedly about him.

Update; I just got home. He was here last. 

He left the stove on. Can’t make this sh’it up. 

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2 hours ago, bones said:

Update; I just got home. He was here last. 

He left the stove on. Can’t make this sh’it up. 

That's very concerning. Can you call a lock smith and have them come change the locks? 

Most landlords are okay with it as long as you give them the keys. 

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5 hours ago, bones said:

Yes, the never-ending cycle of BS continues.....

One stops, another creeps in...

I just wanna be alone and go on the computer and play Xbox... Can he just leave 🥲

Hi Bones, 

You can still be nice to people, just make sure you set some boundaries. Keep it real with people and tell them like it is from the get go and stick to your guns. That way you know who is truly there to be a friend and who isn't. Who cares if people ghost or are absent because you drew a line in the sand. Its better to know in the beginning who is there for you and who is not. Its awesome to be a nice person, however you can still be a nice and put yourself first. There is a difference between giving your shirt off your back to someone who would do the same when the tables are turned than doing that with someone who won't and believe it or not most of the time we already know who those people are in our lives. Just remember the first time a person tries to walk all over you, it is usually a mistake or test of boundary, but if they do it again, its a decision. I have known so many people, myself included, who for the sake of being nice have had people impact their lives so negatively that the outcome of the friendship changed their lives. Don't change who you are, just make sure the people you are sharing your kindness with are those who will not take it for granted. Pay attention to actions because they speak louder than words. Chin up..this too shall pass.

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