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rest in peace to my dear mother /


bones
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I thought I would share with my favorite community. Today is the anniversary of my mother’s passing. Thank you all for always being supportive. Two years ago today, at 9 PM tonight, EST.

 

I remember today as if it were just yesterday. 

I was getting ready for work, while knowing my mother had been in the ICU (in two different hospitals) since September 30th. 

I remember receiving that phone-call. Due to being her primary health contact, and no living will, it was down to me to make a decision on my mother’s behalf as she had bled internally overnight. 

I was only 23 years old at the time. 
I didn’t know what any of this meant, and the undeniable confusion I had was taking over my thoughts. 
I consulted with my family, I consulted with the liver team, and they basically told me she would not survive intubation and passing peacefully would be my best option so we could all ‘properly say goodbye’. 
They had basically made my choice for me. 

I called each and every one of my family members, and one by one they all showed up to be by my side. 
It was funny- because toward the end Mom always thought I was a nurse and strictly spoke French to me. I was lucky enough that in her last hours she could still recite all the Ed Sheeran songs we had sung together. And oh so beautifully, I might add. 

I did beg her to say ‘I love you’, and by my incessant begging, she did, and those were her final words to me. 
What most don’t know, or don’t realize, especially in my generation, or close to my age- is that this is something that could happen at any time, and you will never be prepared. 
I’ve had reality slap me in the face, survival mode go into full gear, bills I never thought I even had (thank you, mom), a place I could always go back to for my mother kept an open home, and what it’s like to see all your friends and family get married and have the opportunity to see you walk down the aisle. It’s also one of the biggest heartbreaks to know my own future ch*ldren will never meet their angel of a Grandmother. 

I feel whole knowing that I did everything I could. 

What I can say is: Life is not what I expected it to be. And it certainly isn’t what I had pictured when I had you all those years and majority of my life. Most won’t understand, and I never would put that upon them, but today is a day to celebrate your life. Your love. And how unique and beautiful you are. 

I love you Mom. 
I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you, but if you could read this now, you’d know that you saved me for the past two years you’ve been gone. 

REST IN PEACE to Kristina “Krysia” B. 

Today, we celebrate you. 

“A daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life, A son is a son until he takes a wife.”

Edited by bones
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