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Closure


summerlusk
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Have you ever had to move on from something, but there is a lack of closure in the situation? Is there something that helped you deal with that absence of closure or have you still not moved on? Or is there not even any such thing as closure? There have been things in my life that I wonder if it ended differently, that I would have an easier time moving on because of “closure”. This could be about anything from breakups to death. Just wondering if anyone has been in any kind of situation where they felt this way..  

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People can be very difficult to understand, scientists say the human brain is the most complex "stuff" in the universe as far as we know. I like to wonder, watch docu's, lectures etc about cosmology, ancient history, psychology, philosophy, mysticism... I'm not a fan of new age spirituality because that's more like escapism imo. But if you just search for info about cosmology that's already mystical by itself.. so about 13.8 billion years ago the universe began and somehow this lead to us being here. This is one of my favorite classic videos, maybe it'll blow your mind too... 

 

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The only thing I can think of that I need closure in is when my best friend stopped talking to me two years ago after a situation that happened, which is something that wasn't my fault. I still haven't moved on even though I should but it's not like we're on bad terms anymore. Everything is just awkward now since we haven't seen or spoken to each other in 2 years. I would like some closure on her reasons for that.

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3 hours ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

People can be very difficult to understand, scientists say the human brain is the most complex "stuff" in the universe as far as we know. I like to wonder, watch docu's, lectures etc about cosmology, ancient history, psychology, philosophy, mysticism... I'm not a fan of new age spirituality because that's more like escapism imo. But if you just search for info about cosmology that's already mystical by itself.. so about 13.8 billion years ago the universe began and somehow this lead to us being here. This is one of my favorite classic videos, maybe it'll blow your mind too... 

 

Thanks for sharing, but I’m confused. What does this have to do with the topic? lol

2 hours ago, Kaitlind said:

The only thing I can think of that I need closure in is when my best friend stopped talking to me two years ago after a situation that happened, which is something that wasn't my fault. I still haven't moved on even though I should but it's not like we're on bad terms anymore. Everything is just awkward now since we haven't seen or spoken to each other in 2 years. I would like some closure on her reasons for that.

I’m sorry to hear that. Have you talked to her about it or tried reaching out to her?

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1 hour ago, summerlusk said:

Thanks for sharing, but I’m confused. What does this have to do with the topic? lol

I’m sorry to hear that. Have you talked to her about it or tried reaching out to her?

She reached out to my sister who was also her best friend saying she missed us but at the same time she's the one who stopped talking to both of us. She still hasn't messaged me but she's messaged my sister 🤔

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1 hour ago, Kaitlind said:

She reached out to my sister who was also her best friend saying she missed us but at the same time she's the one who stopped talking to both of us. She still hasn't messaged me but she's messaged my sister 🤔

Oh, maybe you should try reaching out to her? I understand if you don’t want to though.

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5 hours ago, summerlusk said:

Thanks for sharing, but I’m confused. What does this have to do with the topic? lol

Exactly. I'll second you on this.

14 hours ago, summerlusk said:

Have you ever had to move on from something, but there is a lack of closure in the situation? Is there something that helped you deal with that absence of closure or have you still not moved on? Or is there not even any such thing as closure? There have been things in my life that I wonder if it ended differently, that I would have an easier time moving on because of “closure”. This could be about anything from breakups to death. Just wondering if anyone has been in any kind of situation where they felt this way..  

I've given up trying to find closure when it comes to a break up or my divorce. I honestly dont care as long as it's over.

  With some women, they change their story all of the time. I cant tell if it's truth or an excuse. That's fine. I'm not going to play games.

I'll go with this: She was no longer interested or she lost feelings. I can work with that and move on.

With friends who quit talking to me. That's fine. 

My dad washed his hands of me and proved my mother right. Okay. F'uck him. 

The only closure I'm good with is that I know that some people just quit working after a while. Either they get annoyed, tired of us, they snap & change.

There isn't always gonna be an answer. Just accept that it's over & move on in life. You don't have to deal with their bulls'hit anymore.

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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On 9/26/2021 at 8:08 PM, summerlusk said:

Thanks for sharing, but I’m confused. What does this have to do with the topic? lol

You asked "Is there something that helped you deal with that absence of closure or have you still not moved on?"

So in response I said this helps me to deal with it. By thinking about a universe that's so much older and bigger than we can even imagine I'm like "try not to take things too personally, we're only here for a blink of an eye". 

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I'm having a difficult time with an ex I completely have moved on from but now they're back again, and saying the usual things again. With everything going on in my life, I'm becoming really frustrated. I just want to go back into block mode, but that never works. I calmed down for a minute and just asked "Do you need closure, what can I do to help?" But no. No answer. Just desperate begging. I just want to resolve this finally. I don't want to be harsh with my words, I'm not going to lie and make an excuse. They have to need closure right? What can I specifically just say to make them stop? This has been going on for years, and I just don't want this to keep repeating. We had our time, great. But those other times are proof that they're not the person for me, I have no feelings for them, but they just don't get it. 😕 Any advice would be lovely. Thanks for reading too. I'm just going through it. Apologies. All hugs 💕

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16 hours ago, brittniisundae said:

I'm having a difficult time with an ex I completely have moved on from but now they're back again, and saying the usual things again. With everything going on in my life, I'm becoming really frustrated. I just want to go back into block mode, but that never works. I calmed down for a minute and just asked "Do you need closure, what can I do to help?" But no. No answer. Just desperate begging. I just want to resolve this finally. I don't want to be harsh with my words, I'm not going to lie and make an excuse. They have to need closure right? What can I specifically just say to make them stop? This has been going on for years, and I just don't want this to keep repeating. We had our time, great. But those other times are proof that they're not the person for me, I have no feelings for them, but they just don't get it. 😕 Any advice would be lovely. Thanks for reading too. I'm just going through it. Apologies. All hugs 💕

I guess all you can do is being coldly objective about it. Just tell them bluntly that isn't not going to happen. Obviously don't be cruel, but don't sugar coat it at all, just be straight about it

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16 hours ago, brittniisundae said:

I'm having a difficult time with an ex I completely have moved on from but now they're back again, and saying the usual things again. With everything going on in my life, I'm becoming really frustrated. I just want to go back into block mode, but that never works. I calmed down for a minute and just asked "Do you need closure, what can I do to help?" But no. No answer. Just desperate begging. I just want to resolve this finally. I don't want to be harsh with my words, I'm not going to lie and make an excuse. They have to need closure right? What can I specifically just say to make them stop? This has been going on for years, and I just don't want this to keep repeating. We had our time, great. But those other times are proof that they're not the person for me, I have no feelings for them, but they just don't get it. 😕 Any advice would be lovely. Thanks for reading too. I'm just going through it. Apologies. All hugs 💕

I wish I could give you some advice, but I don’t know what advice to give. It sounds like you’ve tried as well. I’m sorry you’re going through this. ❤️❤️❤️

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5 minutes ago, stevenenjoysmilk said:

I guess all you can do is being coldly objective about it. Just tell them bluntly that isn't not going to happen. Obviously don't be cruel, but don't sugar coat it at all, just be straight about it

It's been difficult because I can't even count how many times I've tried to just be straightforward. & Yeah they just know I'm not going to be mean but it's just that line, they continue to cross. I'm hoping like every time it will finally stop, but I suppose there's not a whole lot I can do that I haven't done. 💕 Thank you so much! 

8 minutes ago, summerlusk said:

I wish I could give you some advice, but I don’t know what advice to give. It sounds like you’ve tried as well. I’m sorry you’re going through this. ❤️❤️❤️

It's constant for so many years. I try what I know and can do, it's just been repetitive for them. They just continue to cross that line, and I guess I'll just have to add a little more "no" to it. I don't know what else to do, just hoping it works. Thank you 💕🤗 I appreciate you all just even reading. 

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Yes. 

I posted about this already- but a new boyfriend I had just screwed me out of $4k, had a mental breakdown, cheated on me in only the course of a month, didn’t even break up with me face-to-face or apologize to me, ran away and blocked me so I couldn’t get a word in edge wise and wouldn’t come home until ‘me and my things were gone’. I spent so much time, energy, and money on this person who made me move out of my apartment because he wanted me to live with him and I thought I did too, he used me for everything, didn’t have a job, and couldn’t even break up with me or face me. Made me practically homeless. With zero closure, explanation, apology. 

Still affecting me to this day because we like to believe people have the hearts that we do. 

I choose now to never contact him again because he is a co*a*d. Now I don’t want closure. I deserved more. 

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