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Some advise from a middle aged dude


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Young people are often worried about relationships.. been there, have had relationships that failed, feeling bitter about it to the point of going insane.

It gets better with age.. am 45 now and really don't feel like going after women anymore. Not gonna "haunt" again, if someone is interested in a relationship she will have to haunt after me.

It's really not healty to focus so much on wanting a relationship. Life can be interesting enough while being single. Nature is beautiful, science, cosmology, psychology, philosophy...

 

105494734_3206363059424592_1302467159603896569_n.jpg

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9 hours ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

Young people are often worried about relationships.. been there, have had relationships that failed, feeling bitter about it to the point of going insane.

It gets better with age.. am 45 now and really don't feel like going after women anymore. Not gonna "haunt" again, if someone is interested in a relationship she will have to haunt after me.

It's really not healty to focus so much on wanting a relationship. Life can be interesting enough while being single. Nature is beautiful, science, cosmology, psychology, philosophy...

 

105494734_3206363059424592_1302467159603896569_n.jpg

It's kind of funny how much of life is pretty much about perspective.

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Mmmm I agree with the first paragraph 100%. Can I relate? Not really because I've never been in  “love“. 
Also, maybe it’s just me but the word  ‘haunt’ is creepy. Maybe I’m speaking for myself, but I don't think anyone would want to be haunt(ed).  

Circling back to what you said,

11 hours ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

if someone is interested in a relationship she will have to haunt after me.

Is one-sided. I'm not saying that guys always have to be the one to initiate a conversation with the desired person. But to say that you won't make any effort (not directly) is something I don't agree with.

Striking up a relationship between two people should be 50/50. If it's not, people end up getting their feelings hurt, or worse. 

This wasn't supposed to offend or criticize you in any way. That's the last thing I want to do. This is just my opinion and I felt like sharing thoughts.  : ) 

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10 hours ago, Lexxi said:

Mmmm I agree with the first paragraph 100%. Can I relate? Not really because I've never been in  “love“. 
Also, maybe it’s just me but the word  ‘haunt’ is creepy. Maybe I’m speaking for myself, but I don't think anyone would want to be haunt(ed).  

Circling back to what you said,

Is one-sided. I'm not saying that guys always have to be the one to initiate a conversation with the desired person. But to say that you won't make any effort (not directly) is something I don't agree with.

Striking up a relationship between two people should be 50/50. If it's not, people end up getting their feelings hurt, or worse. 

This wasn't supposed to offend or criticize you in any way. That's the last thing I want to do. This is just my opinion and I felt like sharing thoughts.  : ) 

You sure have a point, "haunt" was a rather unfortunate way to express it, lol. Each his/her own but personally I wouldn't use dating sites because find that a bit weird and too forced. It's better to just meet someone in daily life, become friends and not trying to force it.

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On 9/22/2021 at 10:58 AM, Danny Van Hecke said:

 Personally I wouldn't use dating sites because find that a bit weird and too forced. It's better to just meet someone in daily life, become friends and not trying to force it.

I don't agree with you when it comes to online dating. It works & I live in a very small town where meeting women out in public makes you look like a creeper. I met my current girlfriend on Tinder. We've been together going on for 10 months. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for everyone. I've been on multiple sites and went out with my fair share of women. But yeah dude, each to his own.  

On 9/21/2021 at 12:47 PM, Danny Van Hecke said:

Young people are often worried about relationships..

Young people. That's a nice touch. Some old people are the same way.

On 9/21/2021 at 12:47 PM, Danny Van Hecke said:

 been there, have had relationships that failed, feeling bitter about it to the point of going insane. 

I was married for almost 12 years. It took me a while to get over it. But it being broken up with or being divorced didn't break me mentally to the point of insanity. Before I was married, I was in and out of relationships. 

On 9/21/2021 at 12:47 PM, Danny Van Hecke said:

It gets better with age.. am 45 now and really don't feel like going after women anymore.

That's okay. Some men completely lose their drive. I know this guy at work whose in his 40's and he's into young women. 

 

On 9/21/2021 at 12:47 PM, Danny Van Hecke said:

It's really not healty to focus so much on wanting a relationship. Life can be interesting enough while being single. Nature is beautiful, science, cosmology, psychology, philosophy...

That's subjective. It depends on who you are and what kind of person you are. Life is a game that can be played differently by everyone. 

 

On 9/21/2021 at 12:47 PM, Danny Van Hecke said:

Not gonna "haunt" again, if someone is interested in a relationship she will have to haunt after me.

Most people go with the term "hunt" or "pursue". "Haunting" comes off like you're a st*lker or a bitter pissed off ex boyfriend that didn't take the break up very well . 

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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3 hours ago, Mr.Dawn said:

I don't agree with you when it comes to online dating. It works & I live in a very small town where meeting women out in public makes you look like a creeper. I met my current girlfriend on Tinder. We've been together going on for 10 months. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for everyone. I've been on multiple sites and went out with my fair share of women. But yeah dude, each to his own.  

My brother met his wife on a dating site more than 10 years ago, so it sure can work out. Just don't feel like doing that, prefer to meet people at work for example.

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55 minutes ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

 Just don't feel like doing that, prefer to meet people at work for example.

That's a t*rrible idea. I wouldn't advise that to anyone. Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't s'hit where you eat"? 

I've worked with guys & women who dated at Wal-Mart over a decade ago and it ended horribly for them. Not only did everyone find out about the break up, we all heard the drama & reasons behind it. They even fought in the break room in front of everyone. One guy, turned out to be domestically violent and no one wanted to be around him after what he did to his coworker / date. He ended up getting fired for s'exual h'arassment. While another woman turned out to be very promiscuous and had slept with a 3rd of the male workers. One of her co-workers came out and told everyone she had h'erpes and that she gave it to him. 

So no. I advise against making moves at work. You run a big chance of pissing all over your career. Don't dip your pen in the company ink. 

55 minutes ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

My brother met his wife on a dating site more than 10 years ago, so it sure can work out. 

Most women go online to find a man whether that's Facebook, Instagram, or Tinder. It's in no way forced. It's the TIMES and I think you're trying an old method that isn't as effective anymore. You go on a dating site, you LIKE their profile, send them a message. If they like you, they'll do the same and if you play your cards right and don't say stupid or creepy s'hit, you get a date. Yes, you will run the risk of being catfished or meeting a woman that is extremely unstable that might make your life a living h'ell. But that's a risk a lot of people are willing to take and it often pays off. 

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6 minutes ago, Mr.Dawn said:

That's a t*rrible idea. I wouldn't advise that to anyone. Have you ever heard the phrase "Don't s'hit where you eat"? 

I've worked with guys & women who dated at Wal-Mart over a decade ago and it ended horribly for them. Not only did everyone find out about the break up, we all heard the drama & reasons behind it. They even fought in the break room in front of everyone. One guy, turned out to be domestically violent and no one wanted to be around him after what he did to his coworker / date. He ended up getting fired for s'exual h'arassment. While another woman turned out to be very promiscuous and had slept with a 3rd of the male workers. One of her co-workers came out and told everyone she had h'erpes and that she gave it to him. 

So no. I advise against making moves at work. You run a big chance of pissing all over your career. Don't dip your pen in the company ink. 

Most women go online to find a man whether that's Facebook, Instagram, or Tinder. It's in no way forced. It's the TIMES and I think you're trying an old method that isn't as effective anymore. You go on a dating site, you LIKE their profile, send them a message. If they like you, they'll do the same and if you play your cards right and don't say stupid or creepy s'hit, you get a date. Yes, you will run the risk of being catfished or meeting a woman that is extremely unstable that might make your life a living h'ell. But that's a risk a lot of people are willing to take and it often pays off. 

Well, what you say looks reasonable although I think relationships at work can go well if both persons are sane enough. At this point in my life I just don't feel like forcing it, so basically too lazy to do much effort to get a partner. 

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32 minutes ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

Well, what you say looks reasonable although I think relationships at work can go well if both persons are sane enough.

It is possible that it can work. If you're both mature and strictly don't involve your friends, family, and co-workers into your drama by not talking s'hit about each other or after the break up. Sure, it can work. While you might not ever breath a word of it. She may not return that kindness to you if you leave her or she leaves you. You run that risk of people finding out about your personal and sometimes embarrassing problems with anyone you date at work if it were to  fail badly. People always find out. She'll tell her friends. They'll tell their friends. Bigger problem if she's friends with your boss and makes up stories about you and they believe it. 

Are you sure you really want to take that big s'hit at work?

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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On 9/21/2021 at 1:47 PM, Danny Van Hecke said:

Young people are often worried about relationships.. been there, have had relationships that failed, feeling bitter about it to the point of going insane.

It gets better with age.. am 45 now and really don't feel like going after women anymore. Not gonna "haunt" again, if someone is interested in a relationship she will have to haunt after me.

It's really not healty to focus so much on wanting a relationship. Life can be interesting enough while being single. Nature is beautiful, science, cosmology, psychology, philosophy...

 

105494734_3206363059424592_1302467159603896569_n.jpg

I agree with this. I’m still young and have experienced the bitter feeling of going insane.  I’ve learned from experience that I prefer being alone most of the time. Relationships add a layer of stress and waiting for the right person is most definitely important. I’m young and I chased boys to no end in the past.  With age I’ve gained some perspective but I’m still learning everyday. Studying philosophy is my favorite thing to do, a college class sparked my interest in the subject. I have had lots of people chase me even, but I end up rejecting them simply because the vibe is never right. It’s better to be patient when it comes to relationships in my opinion. And being single also has perks, that’s why I prefer it. 

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5 hours ago, Danny Van Hecke said:

My brother met his wife on a dating site more than 10 years ago, so it sure can work out. Just don't feel like doing that, prefer to meet people at work for example.

I’m gonna second this being a Very Bad Idea. Where I work, there are a lot of people sleeping together and dating and it makes the work environment very uncomfortable and tox*c. It can work, anything can work, but more often than not it just makes a big mess 

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