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Dealing with grief?


Squish
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hey everyone, a friend I’ve known for many years recently died really unexpectedly. I am completely heartbroken and really struggling. Does anyone who has experienced grief have any comfort or advice they could share? Thank you! 

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I’m so sorry to hear that!

 

I wish I could help. Idk if it gets better or goes away but eventually you grow around it and it hurts less often.

It’s kinda like jars with a big button. At first the button is gonna take up the whole jar and it will be hard not to accidentally hit it. But as time and more memories are made the jar gets bigger and you’ll be able to move around more without hitting the button as much. Idk if that makes any sense. 
 

let me know if you need anything at all. I never feel burdened by people asking me for most things

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I'm so sorry for what you're going through, it really does flip your world upside down. I am learning and going through it myself as I lost my sister in June, and just like your friend it was very unexpected, one day she was here and the next day she was gone. 

It really is just time, although I think everyone hates to hear it because waiting for time to pass is agony. Everyday it gets a little bit easier, but I am still waiting for full acceptance, sometimes in the corner of my eye I will think that I see her and when I turn around to look at her it's someone else, or I have dreams about her and when I wake up I remember that she's gone.

What really comforted me was the next day after she died I went over to her house to pick up some paperwork. I saw this cat with black fur and green eyes, The same colour as my sister's hair and eyes! I smiled at the cat and it meowed and smiled back at me. As I walked passed, it kept meowing at me so I stopped. It walked over to me and let me pet it, it kept jumping up at me and meowing like it wanted to be cuddled. My mum said as well the morning after my sister died there was a black crow that kept trying to fly directly at my mum. We always say now that whenever we see an animal with black fur/feathers that it's her. 

Please make sure you take good care of your health, and make sure you have someone to talk to. I wouldn't have been able to have gotten through it without the support I received from friends and family. If you need someone to talk to , I'll be here. 

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It'll be hard. But I wouldn't fight your feelings on it at all. Just go through the motions. If you want to cry then go find a quiet place and let it all out. Just do what you have to to get through this. Eventually you'll become numb to it and will be able to move on. But you'll never get over it. 

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7 hours ago, Squish said:

hey everyone, a friend I’ve known for many years recently died really unexpectedly. I am completely heartbroken and really struggling. Does anyone who has experienced grief have any comfort or advice they could share? Thank you! 

I am sorry for the loss of your friend and my condolences go out to you.
 

Grief has stages although grief can have different affects on different people. I lost many people throughout my life in death and some were unexpected. I am still grieving over the loss of my best friend Kayla, happened in 2012. I feel that grief could be a life long process ALTHOUGH I can say that *sigh* not that it gets easier ?..... it does get better over time.

I can say it is very important to stay close to loved ones, and so important to hang onto those good memories... I know at times this can be painful. I am trying to find the right words here and as others have said it is important to have support and to take care of our mental and physical well being. 
 

My best friend isn’t the only person I miss, although the outside birds give me comfort as I see many colorful ones randomly and if you believe in that sort of stuff it is supposed to be a spiritual meaning such as a loved one visiting from Heaven. I’d like to believe this , and I appreciate the comforting feeling it gives me. 
 

Hey like I said before I am sorry for your loss❤️ And I got your back if you ever wanted to talk or just chat.

I do want to say this: you are strong, & you got this...  

You are going to make it through this🤍 I promise.

 

It may not seem or feel this way I just want you to know that everything is going to be okay.
 

Xo

much love

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I had a good friend d*e that I knew in high school 17 years ago. He died in a car wreck from what I was told. It was weird not seeing him at school. I saw all of his friends collapsing in tears in the hallway. I just didn't know how to take it. I never cried over him. But I did miss him. And now I don't think about him very much anymore. I don't see the point. He's dead. 

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Grief is so weird, cuz one day many years down the line you may have been feeling ok for a while but then it just HITS you all over again. I lost my best friend to suicide over ten years ago, and while now the pain isn’t as constant, it still hits me harder some days, and in weird ways I never expected. 
 

one thing I wish someone I told me was “don’t close yourself off” I became extremely isolated after my loss and am only now recognizing what caused it and trying to pull myself out. 
 

it’s probably always going to hurt, but one day it will hurt less often and less intesely. Just take it day by day 

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I am so very sorry to hear this. 

Unfortunately, I have been stuck in a constant cycle of grief for a few years now. 

My mother passed away on October 24th, 2019. She died of alcoholic-cirrhosis and I watched her d*e slowly for an entire year before her final d****e.

My advice to you would be: Find a support group, this forum is certainly a safe place to be and you are surrounded with people with many different kinds of life experiences. But also, if there is a group in person you can attend, to tell your story, sometimes it helps to say it out loud. Don't be afraid to talk about this person, all the time, almost as if they are still walking among us. That's how I always speak of my mom, "oh that's exactly what my mother says!", or "yes, my mom told me to never go down that street if I encounter it," something along the lines of that.

Other people may be wary of mentioning your friend to you, because they are trying to avoid you getting upset.

I find comfort when people bring up my mother, her memory, and her magic. If this resonates with you, remind others you aren't afraid to speak of your friend, for it brings you comfort rather than making you upset. 

The truth of it all: It is a never-ending cycle. But over time, it will get a touch better. Focus on hobbies that keep your friend's memory alive. I know how hard it is. 

If you ever need anybody, I am here for you. I am so very sorry for what you are going through. 

Quote

"Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."

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