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How do you deal with aggression and anger within yourself?


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  • Elites
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I suffer from t*rrible bouts of anger/rage. Sometimes deep breathing works, other times it seethes and I can't hold it back and it drives me so mad, I could run my fist into the first person who tries me.

 

Edited by Kitsunebliss
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I'm so sorry. 😔  I'm sure breathing does help sometimes. Have you ever tried visualization? When it hits, close your eyes and imagine a sign or a word to stop. Count down if you must. Taking time away from that area or that nearby person may also be beneficial just to focus on other things like the sounds of different birds, whatever it is around you. Write out your frustrations. Or like the above poster said, taking a walk, jog, or run with your music. 

I do hope things start to turn better for you. 💕

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38 minutes ago, Kitsunebliss said:

I suffer from t*rrible bouts of anger/rage. Sometimes deep breathing works, other times it seethes and I can't hold it back and it drives me so mad, I could run my fist into the first person who tries me.

When I was in my early 20's. I had anger problems. But I was also in a really tox*c relationship and it didn't make things any better for my mental and emotional state.

The first thing I did was that I went to a Behavioral Health Care clinic. I talked to 2 different councilors and a licensed psychologist who prescribed me some anti depressant med*cation. I was diagnosed anger/ depression. But after my divorce. I got off of the Celexa and Clonzepam. I didn't have my ex wife around to trigger my anxiety a**acks or to push me to anger. 

In my experience. The first thing you have to do is to address your problem. Find out what triggers you or who triggers you. Next cut out the people that raise your stress level. Cut out tox*c people in your life. If it's a family member. It's okay. Just because you're related to them doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with them. Having the same blood doesn't give them a right to aggravate/ h***ss/ v****mize you. Being a family member doesn't automatically mean they love you even though they say it. Traditions as well as religious values are bullsh*it. What I do agree with is that everyone deserves to be loved conditionally until they don't deserve it. I have found that cutting out bad people in my life truly SOLVES my problems. Sometimes a break up is really what people need. They're not bad like some people view them. Sometimes what we need is a new start. 

However, you also deserve to take care of yourself both mentally, emotionally, and physically. And that means making hard decisions and facing hard truths. 

Edited by Terminated
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12 minutes ago, t*rminated said:

When I was in my early 20's. I had anger problems. But I was also in a really tox*c relationship and it didn't make things any better for my mental and emotional state.

The first thing I did was that I went to a Behavioral Health Care clinic. I talked to 2 different councilors and a licensed psychologist who prescribed me some anti depressant med*cation. I was diagnosed anger/ depression. But after my divorce. I got off of the Celexa and Clonzepam. I didn't have my ex wife around to trigger my anxiety a**acks or to push me to anger. 

In my experience. The first thing you have to do is to address your problem. Find out what triggers you or who triggers you. Next cut out the people that raise your stress level. Cut out tox*c people in your life. If it's a family member. It's okay. Just because you're related to them doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with them. Having the same blood doesn't give them a right to aggravate/ h***ss/ v****mize you. Being a family member doesn't automatically mean they love you even though they say it. Traditions as well as religious values are bullsh*it. What I do agree with is that everyone deserves to be loved conditionally until they don't deserve it. I have found that cutting out bad people in my life truly SOLVES my problems. Sometimes a break up is really what people need. They're not bad like some people view them. Sometimes what we need is a new start. 

However, you also deserve to take care of yourself both mentally, emotionally, and physically. And that means making hard decisions and facing hard truths. 

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  • Elites
11 hours ago, Skoobie123 said:

When I’m mad I usually go for a run, blast my music, and just get into a zone. Or it’s a cliche but scream into a pillow lol. Write down my thoughts, crumble it up and throw it away. 

 

💕

if i stopped being such a lazy loser...I was on a roll a while ago, running at a local park. then we had huge bouts of rain and i lost momentum lol

 

10 hours ago, brittniisundae said:

I'm so sorry. 😔  I'm sure breathing does help sometimes. Have you ever tried visualization? When it hits, close your eyes and imagine a sign or a word to stop. Count down if you must. Taking time away from that area or that nearby person may also be beneficial just to focus on other things like the sounds of different birds, whatever it is around you. Write out your frustrations. Or like the above poster said, taking a walk, jog, or run with your music. 

I do hope things start to turn better for you. 💕

tbh you reminded me of som*thing that used to work! thank you! I used to imagine a light in the center of myself and then imagine pushing it outward and purifying all the intrusive and negative thoughts. 

 

10 hours ago, t*rminated said:

When I was in my early 20's. I had anger problems. But I was also in a really tox*c relationship and it didn't make things any better for my mental and emotional state.

The first thing I did was that I went to a Behavioral Health Care clinic. I talked to 2 different councilors and a licensed psychologist who prescribed me some anti depressant med*cation. I was diagnosed anger/ depression. But after my divorce. I got off of the Celexa and Clonzepam. I didn't have my ex wife around to trigger my anxiety a**acks or to push me to anger. 

In my experience. The first thing you have to do is to address your problem. Find out what triggers you or who triggers you. Next cut out the people that raise your stress level. Cut out tox*c people in your life. If it's a family member. It's okay. Just because you're related to them doesn't mean you have to have anything to do with them. Having the same blood doesn't give them a right to aggravate/ h***ss/ v****mize you. Being a family member doesn't automatically mean they love you even though they say it. Traditions as well as religious values are bullsh*it. What I do agree with is that everyone deserves to be loved conditionally until they don't deserve it. I have found that cutting out bad people in my life truly SOLVES my problems. Sometimes a break up is really what people need. They're not bad like some people view them. Sometimes what we need is a new start. 

However, you also deserve to take care of yourself both mentally, emotionally, and physically. And that means making hard decisions and facing hard truths. 

holy h**l. this echoed. I was in the military and got married to another soldier, and he was awful, i eventually got out. Behavior Health had me on Zoloft and Adderall to stay awake (i was suspected to be narcoleptic on top of it all)...then I left him, and within 6 months was off all my meds and not drinking alcohol anymore. 

but lately, ive had some frustrating people in my life and i think cutting them out 1 by 1 will help. i feel like i absorb all that bad energy and it dirties my mind, heart and soul

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5 hours ago, Kitsunebliss said:

holy h**l. this echoed. I was in the military and got married to another soldier, and he was awful, i eventually got out. Behavior Health had me on Zoloft and Adderall to stay awake (i was suspected to be narcoleptic on top of it all)...then I left him, and within 6 months was off all my meds and not drinking alcohol anymore. 

but lately, ive had some frustrating people in my life and i think cutting them out 1 by 1 will help. i feel like i absorb all that bad energy and it dirties my mind, heart and soul

I agree. Dealing with tox*c family members left me very angry and frustrated for a long time. The sh*it people pull stays with you. It pollutes your mind. Its hard because you're stuck with the memory and within that memory are the emotions that come glued to them. So as long as you think about it. You relive it over and over and over. Sometimes the best payback is to cut them out. You can forgive those people, but just like with the capital punishment debate, Forgiving them isn't doing you or me any good. It doesn't erase what they did. It doesn't take away the ab**e and the hard feelings. The best thing is to cast those people out of our lives and it's the best kind of pay back. I've gotten a rush just telling a former friend this "Hey buddy, you've screwed me over one too many times. We're done. I don't want to hear that you're innocent or that it wasn't your fault. I'm not going to play the blame game with you. All I know is that you just got a one way ticket out of my life. Good bye and f*uck off."

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1 hour ago, PoptartBarbie said:

Idk there was this meditation I used to do when I would get angry or jealous of someone to the point I would think about it. There was like a mantra I love 

" I love _____ , I forgive _____ , and I release _____."

I believe it was only like 3 minutes long. It helped me not even confront them, just honestly I would feel much better about myself and that person after ( I know it's a mental trick and unjustified) , it would help me act better around them if I had to be. If I didn't have to be around them I would do that excersize then block them on everything 

If I forgive someone, it’s because it makes me feel better. It’s not because some religious value (I’m not religious) tells me it’s the right thing to do. It’s because I feel relieved to not feel that anger and resentment anymore. I hate that feeling. It doesn’t mean I have to be around them or talk to them when I don’t have to, it doesn’t mean I trust them again. I don’t forget and I won’t trust them anymore, so it won’t happen again. I have people blocked for good reasons, doesn’t mean I hate them and want them to f***ing d*e. For me, it’s just about not having that FEELING of anger and hatred anymore. It’s for myself, not for them or anyone else. I don’t care what other people do. I’m not saying you should do this or that, just talking about what I think is best for me. It also matters what they did though. It’s not like I’ll forgive anything. 
 

Edited by paperandsky
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Normally if I can’t control my raging mental episodes, I blast music in my headphones ; block out the world, and go run incredibly fast outside until I lose my breath almost then I’m like ok time to calm down.

 

Well if this makes someone laugh, that’s a good thing because it made me silently chuckle to myself. 

Edited by Steff
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I’ve dealt with getting unreasonably angry a lot. and I’ve had some really scary episodes. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been carted off by police to mental wards a few times before I was diagnosed. Used to happen a lot more before meds. I have ADHD and Bipolar and both come with the symptom of major emotional regulation issues. 
 

Here’s some stuff I’ve learned through combo of therapy and studying anatomy for work:  Your body has two parallel nervous systems going. The parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous systems. The second one responds to stimulations, and the parasympathetic maintains balance aka homeostasis. So when you get triggered by som*thing. Your sympathetic system floods your body with a lot of signals, mainly to protect you since it’s evolved to do the whole fight or flight thing. This is called hyper stimulation/hyperarousal. But it’s not at all arousal in the ***ual sense. See in medical stuff arousal is just talking about when hormones trigger a series of automatic responses. In ***ual arousal it does all the things your associate with that, but there’s a series of responses to social and physical threats. Since we are pack animals the social threats and just as life thr***ening or sometimes more so than the bear type threats, since being tossed out of the pack would be no good for survival. 

What is supposed to happen with most people is once they recognize som*thing isn’t a threat, their parasympathetic goes to work immediately to chill them out and return them to default.  So you have people who say “just stop being angry.” “Or just think about it and find out why you’re angry and work down” both of those are totally what a normal working body is supposed to do. 

However with some people that parasympathetic system doesn’t work right. So they get stimulated, and even if they realize there’s nothing thr***ening anymore, they don’t get the hormones to return them to normal. Which is why you can wind up have really extreme reactions to things that definitely don’t need that particular level of response to them. 
 

It can be really frustrating doing therapy and all that when your system isn’t working great and technically do all the right things to not have an anger issue and then still have it be a problem. 

What is super cool though is that once you figure out what things you need to get in your body to get that parasympathetic working again you can either A) supplement any missing molecules through meds (like I do) or learn work arounds so your body squirts out the hormone juices you need. 
 

So one coping skill I learned is to have a comforting object you can touch and kinda rub m*thodically with your finger or pet an animal because doing that actually releases manually the same chemical that should have been coming out anyway to calm you down. 
 

another is called a brain scramble with kinda overloads your brain so much that it resets and stops sending the commands to produce new sympathetic chemicals and if you stop it long enough they wear out of your system and you calm down. (It kinda looks mental though) 

 

to do a brain scramble: hum a semi complex song like happy birthday. Pick 5 objects in the room and focus your eyesight on each for 2 seconds each switching between them at random. The rapid auditory and visual info will overload your brain enough that it will drop any previous signals it was sending. 
 

but even with all this sometimes with conditions like mine. You’re just going to get in an irrational anger state, and that’s where CBT and other therapy to train myself  choose flight over fight has really helped me. Flight is always the better option in today’s society.     For me that’s also where having the right people around that I can go “hey I’m not good right now I need to table this and came back or go away for a bit to be safe” is so important. It’s only been where I wasn’t allowed to have flight/ an escape or was cornered when I really had problems. So I communicate really explicitly now with people about what I need to function and not have issues and if they still choose to corner me then at that point they signed up for whatever reaction they did or didn’t get.  Or course I’m always responsible but there’s always a point where you’ve done everything you can do. 
 

but anyone else dealing with it is for sure not alone. It’s more common than you’d think and luckily there’s a lot you can do to work on it
 

 

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My face will give you a huge wtf look I can’t help that. Take a few seconds to process whatever stupidity I just witnessed. I’ll try to fix whatever is going on step by step but sometimes I’m like .....can you go do som*thing with all that?! Then I’ll blast music and workout the frustration.. Distract myself. I move past most things easily, sometimes a good nap helps. Ahh sleep. 😌

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The only tactic that works for me: Get the person that is angering me out of my ‘eye view’ and calmly ask them not to say anything and please be quiet and leave me alone. 

Works with anger that has nothing to do with another also. 

I need to walk away from situations that could potentially cause me to say or do something I will regret later. 

Once I collect myself, the anger still remains, but self-control is something I’m working on. I usually can fix this issue if I take enough time to sit in silence by myself. 

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