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trigger warning: Domestic ab**e, ranting, ranting, ranting. My fake grandpa beat my grandma last night.


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  • Elites
Posted (edited)

My family situation is weird. My mom doesn't know her biological father, so my grandma had a few men in her life growing up. And all these men were "grandpa" to me at some point in my life. Some more than others. Two of them died, and both were loved by me dearly blood or not. But the last one is problematic. he's been in and out of our lives since I was born, so I've known him my whole life. 

My mother made the mistake of telling me he beat gran last night. I am hot headed. It's not necessarily a good thing and has gotten me in lots of trouble in my life. But my hot headedness is deeply intertwined with my sense of justice and morals, so at least there's that. 

That said, I lost it. Sent some nasty texts to rile him up, left some nasty voice mails (no psychical threats. Just threats of getting police involved and exposing him) anyway, all day he's been changing his stories to everyone. Few of my male cousins thr***ened to go out there and beat his *** (guess it runs in the family) I was nasty with my words and a few insults, but was tactical. Got him to call me. Recorded the line. In the call he calls me every nasty name under the sun. Whatever bad things you can call a woman (much less one you've known since she was born) he called me them. He sounded absolutely manic and insane, a side of him he hides from HIS family, but shows his *** to MY family constantly. But he also admitted he "only hit her a couple times" because "she back talked him and gave him sass". Then, later in the call, somehow changed the story and backpaddles saying he never hit her once and just pointed his finger in her face. She's covered in bruises and has black eyes...he said she fell. Anyway, I told him I recorded the line, I have the photos, and he needs to go back to his home (he has a house elsewhere away from her),. The goal is he decides to save face and leaves peacefully. We're all worried about her and trying to keep her safe now.

Gran is 5'4, He is damn near 7ft, and HUGE. He tried to say she back talked him, and put her finger in his face, so he "only slapped her a couple times"....You're ****ing huge. I don't care if she assaulted you. You walk away, you carefully and gently push her away, you leave, you find a hotel, you run past her, you close the door, you call the cops...you do ANYTHING but lay your hands on her like that. And for the record, he did more than just slap her. Shes covered in bruises. 

Told my partner about this situation and they didn't do much for me, just said "dont involve me" which I get, but I was shaking and wanted someone to talk to..them saying that just made me feel stupid for going to them. So now i'm ranting here in forums., wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut and done nothing.

 

edit: no idea what I did here lol ignore the quote below this

2 minutes ago, Kitsunebliss said:

 

 

Edited by Kitsunebliss
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56 minutes ago, Kitsunebliss said:

My family situation is weird. My mom doesn't know her biological father, so my grandma had a few men in her life growing up. And all these men were "grandpa" to me at some point in my life. Some more than others. Two of them died, and both were loved by me dearly blood or not. But the last one is problematic. he's been in and out of our lives since I was born, so I've known him my whole life. 

My mother made the mistake of telling me he beat gran last night. I am hot headed. It's not necessarily a good thing and has gotten me in lots of trouble in my life. But my hot headedness is deeply intertwined with my sense of justice and morals, so at least there's that. 

That said, I lost it. Sent some nasty texts to rile him up, left some nasty voice mails (no psychical threats. Just threats of getting police involved and exposing him) anyway, all day he's been changing his stories to everyone. Few of my male cousins thr***ened to go out there and beat his *** (guess it runs in the family) I was nasty with my words and a few insults, but was tactical. Got him to call me. Recorded the line. In the call he calls me every nasty name under the sun. Whatever bad things you can call a woman (much less one you've known since she was born) he called me them. He sounded absolutely manic and insane, a side of him he hides from HIS family, but shows his *** to MY family constantly. But he also admitted he "only hit her a couple times" because "she back talked him and gave him sass". Then, later in the call, somehow changed the story and backpaddles saying he never hit her once and just pointed his finger in her face. She's covered in bruises and has black eyes...he said she fell. Anyway, I told him I recorded the line, I have the photos, and he needs to go back to his home (he has a house elsewhere away from her),. The goal is he decides to save face and leaves peacefully. We're all worried about her and trying to keep her safe now.

Gran is 5'4, He is damn near 7ft, and HUGE. He tried to say she back talked him, and put her finger in his face, so he "only slapped her a couple times"....You're ****ing huge. I don't care if she assaulted you. You walk away, you carefully and gently push her away, you leave, you find a hotel, you run past her, you close the door, you call the cops...you do ANYTHING but lay your hands on her like that. And for the record, he did more than just slap her. Shes covered in bruises. 

Told my partner about this situation and they didn't do much for me, just said "dont involve me" which I get, but I was shaking and wanted someone to talk to..them saying that just made me feel stupid for going to them. So now i'm ranting here in forums., wondering if I should have just kept my mouth shut and done nothing.

 

edit: no idea what I did here lol ignore the quote below this

 

Wow, what an ordeal. I am so sorry your family, and especially your Grandma, is having to go through this. I'm praying your Grandma now "sees the light" regarding this man's character and decides to wash her hands of him. 

I think it's honorable and brave that you stood up for your grandma. People have died from looking the other way and doing nothing, for "not wanting to get involved."

Quote

Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men. ~Boondock Saints

I hope I don't overstep any boundaries by voicing that I think it's concerning your partner didn't offer any type of moral support, and that their response was "don't involve me." They could have (and should have imo) offered emotional and moral support to you without having to get involved. The fact that they made you feel stupid and that you had to come to a forum to gain that support is alarming, and a major red flag.

As for yourself, you did nothing wrong and everything right. For your protection and your grandmother's, you may want to consider alerting the authorities to the situation. See if you can file a report without pressing charges. This man may be vengeful and vindictive and come after you and/or Grandma. Especially since it's obvious he has a violent ego problem and he probably feels "disrespected" by you and Grandma. Get it on paper so that if anything more happens, there is a record in your (or Grandma's) defense. It is the first step to establishing a pattern of behavior if a restraining order or assault charges are needed in the future. Let's hope that this is the end of it, but it is best to take precautions. 

Stay safe, be strong, and be that support your Grandma needs right now. She's lucky to have a granddaughter like you.

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  • Elites

I’m sorry you all are going through that especially your grandmother. I feel you did whatever you felt like you had to for her good, nothing wrong with that. 

How I view it after confronting him and trying to get him to go away, it’s all up to your grandmother.. Hopefully she drops him like a bag of bricks but when someone thinks they love someone they tend to let things slide and she might let him back in her life. I would try talking to her about it without poking at it too much. One time is one too many and most people would think to just not be involved with that person again. As someone who has been around DA situations their whole life, that sadly isn’t the case until it’s way past the limits yet some times even then... If she has moved on good for her!

I wish you and your family peace and resolution during this difficult time 🤍

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On 7/19/2021 at 5:36 PM, OldGreqq said:

Wow, what an ordeal. I am so sorry your family, and especially your Grandma, is having to go through this. I'm praying your Grandma now "sees the light" regarding this man's character and decides to wash her hands of him. 

I think it's honorable and brave that you stood up for your grandma. People have died from looking the other way and doing nothing, for "not wanting to get involved."

I hope I don't overstep any boundaries by voicing that I think it's concerning your partner didn't offer any type of moral support, and that their response was "don't involve me." They could have (and should have imo) offered emotional and moral support to you without having to get involved. The fact that they made you feel stupid and that you had to come to a forum to gain that support is alarming, and a major red flag.

As for yourself, you did nothing wrong and everything right. For your protection and your grandmother's, you may want to consider alerting the authorities to the situation. See if you can file a report without pressing charges. This man may be vengeful and vindictive and come after you and/or Grandma. Especially since it's obvious he has a violent ego problem and he probably feels "disrespected" by you and Grandma. Get it on paper so that if anything more happens, there is a record in your (or Grandma's) defense. It is the first step to establishing a pattern of behavior if a restraining order or assault charges are needed in the future. Let's hope that this is the end of it, but it is best to take precautions. 

Stay safe, be strong, and be that support your Grandma needs right now. She's lucky to have a granddaughter like you.

I am sorry for late reply, I am so bad with seeing notifications here. Thank you for your kind words! I ended up swallowing my pride and spoke to my partner and they said, in a nut shell "look, i'm just mentally exhausted today. I'm sorry I can't give you the support you need right now" . And you know what? I think that's okay. We're allowed to be mentally tired. So they got a freebie this time 😛

and yes, we did alert the police. I think that guy is gonna leave soon.

 

On 7/19/2021 at 11:43 PM, Leaf_ said:

I’m sorry you all are going through that especially your grandmother. I feel you did whatever you felt like you had to for her good, nothing wrong with that. 

How I view it after confronting him and trying to get him to go away, it’s all up to your grandmother.. Hopefully she drops him like a bag of bricks but when someone thinks they love someone they tend to let things slide and she might let him back in her life. I would try talking to her about it without poking at it too much. One time is one too many and most people would think to just not be involved with that person again. As someone who has been around DA situations their whole life, that sadly isn’t the case until it’s way past the limits yet some times even then... If she has moved on good for her!

I wish you and your family peace and resolution during this difficult time 🤍

thank you so much, you're absolutely right

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@Kitsunebliss It must have made him feel like a real man b**ting on your grandma the way he did. This pisses me off. He's no man. He's a piece of sh*it. Men who beat on women don't deserve a woman's love or touch. They deserve to be alone and m*is*erable for the rest of their rotten lives. I hope he gets everything he deserves coming his way. 

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