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Do Apologies Really Matter To People?


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9 minutes ago, t*rminated said:

Do apologies mean anything to you or does it depend on the person making them?

Both. Apologies do matter to me when they are sincere. I will accept any apology offered to me by anyone, and they do mean a great deal in making steps towards closure. Closure for myself, not for them, and not for me and them, whoever it may be.

There are people I will not let back into my life, even if they do apologize. There are certain lines once crossed that there is no going back from. I will accept their apology, get a little closure / satisfaction for myself, and then continue on with my life without them in it.

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If Trump apologized for something, how would you feel?

What about Obama?

If there is no difference to you, then that's great, it means you might not have bias... but a lot of people are biased... sometimes they don't want to forgive.

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I appreciate it when someone sincerely apologizes to me. Nowadays it seems like no apology is ever acceptable. People will nitpick at your apology saying it wasn’t a real apology, even if it was. It doesn’t matter what you say, it’s always “f*** your apology”.

Edited by summerlusk
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Sorry is a word and very rarely does anyone tell me they're sorry. And those that have had turned back around and betrayed my trust over & over.

Apologies don't do anything. They're just words to me. Empty words and even more so depending on the person.

An apology doesn't undo the damage done. Sorry doesn't unf;uck a f;ucked problem. 

There's no value in words if they're coming from someone who has no credibility.

To me forgiveness is often a religious obligation and concept.

I'll forgive you when I believe you've shown me that you deserve it.

Sorry doesn't cut it.

 

Does this mean I'm above forgiving?

 No. There's a few people that I trust. Their words have weight to me as do their actions. They've proven themselves to me over and over.

Sometimes sh;it happens. 

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I forgive but don't forget. It matters to me when they genuinely mean it, you find that out later and sometimes that will either restore or hurt.

If I am at fault, I will apologize. Sometimes I even apologize when I'm not at fault (thank you customer service), but I do hope people do the same with me. They understand that I have flaws, we all make mistakes, it's important not to repeat them, and work at what you need to. ❤

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10 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

I forgive but don't forget. It matters to me when they genuinely mean it, you find that out later and sometimes that will either restore or hurt.

If I am at fault, I will apologize. Sometimes I even apologize when I'm not at fault (thank you customer service), but I do hope people do the same with me. They understand that I have flaws, we all make mistakes, it's important not to repeat them, and work at what you need to. ❤

I don't want to be forgiven anymore. It would matter more to me if I was religious because theists seem to think there's some magical value to it. 

 I'm just sick of bowing and scraping to people over petty offenses. I never stole from those people or burned down their house. It was over heated disagreements and miscommunication. 

I've had people like my ex wife say they "accept" my apologies only to turn around and get vindictive and get even. To me forgiveness from people means I owe them something like money or a favor. They want an offering. 

Instead. I'd rather both me and that person part ways & have nothing to do with eachother. That solves the problem. No one can do anything with an apology. Hence why I just keep acquaintances. 

If something goes wrong & things get u**y. I have no problem setting fire to that bridge. 

 

 

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43 minutes ago, Mr.Dawn said:

I don't want to be forgiven anymore. It would matter more to me if I was religious because theists seem to think there's some magical value to it. 

 I'm just sick of bowing and scraping to people over petty offenses. I never stole from those people or burned down their house. It was over heated disagreements and miscommunication. 

I've had people like my ex wife say they "accept" my apologies only to turn around and get vindictive and get even. To me forgiveness from people means I owe them something like money or a favor. They want an offering. 

Instead. I'd rather both me and that person part ways & have nothing to do with eachother. That solves the problem. No one can do anything with an apology. Hence why I just keep acquaintances. 

If something goes wrong & things get u**y. I have no problem setting fire to that bridge. 

 

 

That's understandable.  I've had to part ways with others too, and yes it did solve so many issues. 

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Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, ZombiesAteCharley said:

Apologies only mean something to me when the person then actually changes the behaviour they apologised for. Sorry doesn't mean anything if the same things are then repeated over and over again. 

Exactly. Here's what I think. I think people obviously believe in magic. I'm serious. Whether they think so or not, They think if they say the word "sorry" to you. It'll magically get them out of trouble and you'll let it go. If the first "sorry" didn't work. They'll repeat it like you didn't hear them the first time. Sometimes they think if the say it loud enough that you'll let it go. They say it like it's some kind of security word and that'll shut you down. Sometimes they use it to try and take advantage as if they think you have some kind of religious moral obligation to forgive them. 

How are they not "sorry"? 

Here's a sign that they're not sincere. 

They get frustrated when you don't accept their apology, that's how it's not sincere. They think you should have to because of their religion. Christians have to forgive according to their Bible and beliefs. I'm an Atheist and therefor that kind of reasoning is invalid to me. They're just using their beliefs to control the situation. That's playing dirty. 

Those people are not thinking about your feelings. They're not mad at themselves for what they did. That being the case, they sorely lack the feelings of regret & remorse. They just want off the hook. They just want you take it. Because they don't regret what they did. They're upset because they can't have their cake and eat it too. This is why my friendships fail. Either there's not enough communication or that person likes to play games with me. If that's the case, I'll just quit talking to them; Ghost or no ghost. I don't owe them an explanation. 

 

I don't care if they think they "deserve" an explanation. Payback is a b'itch and I'm not giving them one. They know what they did. Why do they think it's my problem to remind them how they f'ucked up?

Edited by Mr.Dawn
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Important in a relationship, yes, I want to hear that you're sorry for doing something hurtful to me and maybe (if applicable) also how you want to act differently in the future, but I really need to hear why the f'uck you thought it was acceptable to do that in the first place. I want you to explain your thoughts and reasoning for acting that way, not as an excuse or a rejection of guilt, but in a way that shows me that you didn't just intentionally act like an j*rkof'f.

In the same way, when I accidentally hurt someone I care for I try to explain why I didn't realize that it would affect them that way, because I want them to know I didn't do it on purpose or in blatant disregard of their feelings.

(I also say that I'm sorry and acknowledge my mistake, of course) I've known people who get offended by this because it's "just making excuses" and I really don't get that... it's exactly how I'd want someone to apologize to me. Accountability is a word used way too much now.

It blows my mind how some people don't think of others as humans, living beings, REAL PEOPLE, and don't recognize how much of behavior is driven by circumstance. I mean, f'uck.. yeah, I definitely shouldn't have been an as'shole, but I realize that and I wanted to express to the utmost degree that it wouldn't happen again, and that I wanted to make things better. shrug People see what they want to see.

It's an acknowledgement of the pain you've caused the person - not an expectation that it'll be wiped out by the apology - and a promise that you'll try to do better in future. This is what really matters, because you're right that you can't change what's already happened, but you can change what hasn't happened yet.

Edited by bones
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