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My celebrity friend, what do you think?


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I won't go into a lot of details here out of respect, but I'm curious to find out what you all think. 

I met this person randomly. Of course I recognized them, and asked how they were doing. We talked for about 30 minutes, we exchanged numbers, and every time any of our numbers would change we would tell each other through text. 

They don't follow me on anything, and they asked if I would keep their name different as a contact. They asked me not to share their number, keep their name hush. 

I did. This person has always been kind to me and checks in with me randomly. Sometimes it could be over a month or more. They say things like "I feel normal just talking to you." I understand their position. I just feel sad when they say stuff like that, but I'm glad they can talk to me.

The only thing that is sort weird, and all friends do this, I get it. They become upset with som*thing going on in their relationship. So, they immediately want to talk. I'm fine with that. But it gets to the point where they ask me to send them rather personal things. 

I don't do that, I just insist we talk instead. Sometimes I feel a little pressure to do so, but again out of respect, as I would do with any friend, who is in a relationship, and going through a tough time, it's talking things through. Everything turns out fine for awhile, then it hits again. 

I don't know what I can do to improve my friendship with this person other than what I have been doing. & I don't want to come off as rude when they ask for things like that. So, any advice? I know that it doesn't matter their status, but it can feel rather odd to have a connection with a person I can see anytime I want, but also not see in person: separation factor.

best friends love GIF by The Reklaws

 

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1 minute ago, Onision said:

…they should not be asking you for things that could harm their relationship.

Yes that is very true. & that's why I always stick to the "let's talk about things" attitude. I don't quite understand if I'm doing som*thing wrong, because its just repeated. & I definitely don't want to lose them as a friend, I enjoy our talks. It's just those moments they have.

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2 hours ago, PoptartBarbie said:

is it like seggsual stufff? Im trying to figure out  

. honestly if they are willing to risk their own relationship that's on them, and they're probably "talking " to other people too. IF thats what its about. , also comes down to IF you too also feel the same way I think. weather or not to flirt back . 

 

if thats not what its about I am kind of confused. and if som*thing is making you uncomfy , just be honest. that's what I usually do . people usully understand 

Well see, I don't want to say they're doing that, at least they shouldn't be. It's possible, I've never asked nor dug into it. I just advise them that it's not the route they should ever do, when they ask me. They're not being clear headed at the time.

They've mentioned how committed they are to this one person, and they have been, but then it's like when things turn sour again I hear so much of it. The "I trust you" and "You're real, so you'll get this". It's like a 2 hour conversation of their fears, not feeling human enough, and how their person wants what they specifically don't want in their relationship. 

I haven't spoken to the other person, they don't want me to. I've asked that before. Just to help anyway I can. They were not too happy when I brought that up so I just dropped it. 

I'm not flirtatious with them, I just talk. I just don't feel like it's even appropriate knowing they're with somebody else, and it's a wound that could get much deeper on both if I'm like "Sure!". 

You're right, and being honest is always best. I just don't know how I can make it even more clear without sounding rude. Maybe I've been more softly assertive instead of a little more aggressive? I do find it difficult to be that way when it's not a conversation face to face, and especially when they're just so upset.

I really hope this was the last time, but I can't promise it. I'm going to try to be more aggressive with it, hopefully they'll understand the balance at the time. 

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I agree if it makes you uncomfortable, that you should just be honest. You can be honest without being rude, you're like the biggest sweetheart on this forum, lol. 

Maybe mention that it makes you feel guilty when they get that way since they are in a relationship. This makes it less about them and more about you. It's ok to bring up concerns about overstepping boundaries when they are in a relationship. They should respect your concerns and appreciate you being honest. 

When you say they are not in their right mind during these conversations, do you mean they are overcome by emotions or like intox*cated or som*thing? Or maybe both? 

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15 hours ago, OldGreqq said:

I agree if it makes you uncomfortable, that you should just be honest. You can be honest without being rude, you're like the biggest sweetheart on this forum, lol. 

Maybe mention that it makes you feel guilty when they get that way since they are in a relationship. This makes it less about them and more about you. It's ok to bring up concerns about overstepping boundaries when they are in a relationship. They should respect your concerns and appreciate you being honest. 

When you say they are not in their right mind during these conversations, do you mean they are overcome by emotions or like intox*cated or som*thing? Or maybe both? 

I appreciate that very kind compliment & your wise advice ❤ it's so interesting, I haven't been really thinking this way. I sometimes feel like I'm that one person most people can rely on in my life. Including them. I try my best... but this feeling like they're not understanding again, and again. I start blaming myself. So that guilt you mentioned, is very real. 

It's becoming so routine for them to say these things, when all I really want to do is help. But it doesn't feel good at all when they ask for certain things. In some ways, I feel our friendship has shifted. Next time I speak with them, I feel it's best to lay it out.

Mainly they're emotional, but I'm unsure if they're under the influence of anything. They haven't mentioned anything like that, nor have they slurred/showed anything for me to suspect it. It's like they go into self hatred mode, they put themselves down, question their existence. 

and they truly love the person they are with, but it's mainly how stressed they are because they're with somebody who wants things they're not willing to do or compromise with, so it starts a blow out with them.

I'm their friend, they consider me a friend. It's been this way for years... I would never cross that line. I just want them to be happy, but I also want to be honest with how this all makes me feel. ❤ Thank you so much!

15 hours ago, PoptartBarbie said:

 Ya you're a good person. If I liked someone and they weren't really into that other person all the time I would go for it . 

You're a sweetie, always. ❤ I just don't have those types of feelings for this friend, and even if I did (I mean they're pretty great as a person, I won't lie. It's just this common occurrence that gets under my skin..) I just couldn't intrude on a relationship like that. They need to drop or keep, honestly. & work with it...and I just say that out of concern for their mental health. I don't believe I'm the right band-aid they're wanting me to be in those moments. But I'll always be their friend. 

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Update: The discussion went extremely well. Infact, they confessed to a few things, and we had a long meaningful discussion about pros, cons, improving, decisions relationship wise.

They apologized, and seemed to be very understanding. I apologized as well, as it should have a much more instant discussion, but they kept saying that I shouldn't apologize at all. Anyway, they invited me to a new meet up in a few months, at first I declined, but as FRIENDS a talk in person is what I'd be happy about. So, I'm supposed to get back to them as I left them with a maybe..

Thank you all for responding to this topic. ❤

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18 hours ago, brittniisundae said:

Update: The discussion went extremely well. Infact, they confessed to a few things, and we had a long meaningful discussion about pros, cons, improving, decisions relationship wise.

They apologized, and seemed to be very understanding. I apologized as well, as it should have a much more instant discussion, but they kept saying that I shouldn't apologize at all. Anyway, they invited me to a new meet up in a few months, at first I declined, but as FRIENDS a talk in person is what I'd be happy about. So, I'm supposed to get back to them as I left them with a maybe..

Thank you all for responding to this topic. ❤

Glad to hear it went well and that they were understanding and had a good response. A meet up sounds like it could be a fun thing for you. 😊💜

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