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When in an argument how do you react?


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I usually just try to reason with them. If they're still arguing with me, I just listen to what they're upset about and hopefully it'll get resolved by us just talking it out. I'm normally calm, zen, and when someone is upset or mad, it concerns me and stresses me out. 

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I'm not very good at conflict. I guess my answer would also depend on who is upset with who.

If I'm the one that is upset, I generally get really quiet first. Most people pressure me into "talking it out." That is not the best approach with me. It's not that I don't want to discuss things. It's just that I will when I'm ready to. I'm a thinker and it takes me awhile to process my emotions. If pressured into talking out an argument too soon before I've had time to process, then I have a tendency to lash out and say things I don't mean. I'm a rational type person so I know not to always trust feelings and emotions. I have to think about a situation and evaluate what I'm feeling, why I feel that way, am I being unfair or irrational, and so on. Once I work through all that, then I'll be ready to talk it out.

If someone is upset with me, then I usually want to know why and how I can make it better. I don't like people being mad at me. I will be calm if the other person is calm. If a person is yelling and screaming, then I will shut down. 

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9 minutes ago, Lilliako said:

I usually just try to reason with them. If they're still arguing with me, I just listen to what they're upset about and hopefully it'll get resolved by us just talking it out. I'm normally calm, zen, and when someone is upset or mad, it concerns me and stresses me out. 

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Definitely relate. I've had instances where if they were stressing out, I was becoming stressed out. Talking through things is so much easier. At least I believe so. Nice answer ❤

2 minutes ago, OldGreqq said:

I'm not very good at conflict. I guess my answer would also depend on who is upset with who.

If I'm the one that is upset, I generally get really quiet first. Most people pressure me into "talking it out." That is not the best approach with me. It's not that I don't want to discuss things. It's just that I will when I'm ready to. I'm a thinker and it takes me awhile to process my emotions. If pressured into talking out an argument too soon before I've had time to process, then I have a tendency to lash out and say things I don't mean. I'm a rational type person so I know not to always trust feelings and emotions. I have to think about a situation and evaluate what I'm feeling, why I feel that way, am I being unfair or irrational, and so on. Once I work through all that, then I'll be ready to talk it out.

If someone is upset with me, then I usually want to know why and how I can make it better. I don't like people being mad at me. I will be calm if the other person is calm. If a person is yelling and screaming, then I will shut down. 

Absolutely! No one should put pressure down like that, it's good to like tell them you know, I hope you understand but I just need time to process and then when I'm ready, we can talk. It can be tough. I can't do screaming either it's like, space, then calmly talk later. I get that. Definitely understood ❤ I feel at the start of relationship it's good to set down "if an argument occurs this is how I would feel comfortable with" and I don't think a lot of people really do that. 

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14 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

I feel at the start of relationship it's good to set down "if an argument occurs this is how I would feel comfortable with" and I don't think a lot of people really do that.

 

I actually do this at the start of a relationship. I warn people that my first instinct is to withdraw and that it's best just to give me space for a little bit. For some reason though, everyone I've been with seems to forget I said that once an argument actually does occur. I withdraw, and then they're pressing me talk, and when I tell them I need some time, they don't accept that and keep pressing. One of two things is going to happen. I'm going to either withdraw more, or I'm going to lash out because I'm feeling ******ed and then the argument turns into a huge thing that didn't have to be that way. 

I wish I was able to process things more quickly. It seems like I take much longer than other people. I also wish I could stop myself from lashing out when I do, because I know it will only make things worse, but I do it anyway. 

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11 minutes ago, OldGreqq said:

I actually do this at the start of a relationship. I warn people that my first instinct is to withdraw and that it's best just to give me space for a little bit. For some reason though, everyone I've been with seems to forget I said that once an argument actually does occur. I withdraw, and then they're pressing me talk, and when I tell them I need some time, they don't accept that and keep pressing. One of two things is going to happen. I'm going to either withdraw more, or I'm going to lash out because I'm feeling ******ed and then the argument turns into a huge thing that didn't have to be that way. 

I wish I was able to process things more quickly. It seems like I take much longer than other people. I also wish I could stop myself from lashing out when I do, because I know it will only make things worse, but I do it anyway. 

Everyone needs their time, it's okay ❤ I wish for you to have someone to understand and remember more. It helps relationships survive. I've lashed out before under extreme stress. It took a long time to just work on myself and understand that I needed to take that needed space and break. Any person I ever start a relationship with from now on, they need to understand that part about me and be supportive of that. I wish that for you. You deserve it. 🌟 While I'm writing this, I don't know if you're in a relationship now, but if you are it's okay if you feel like having more of the discussion with the person of what you need. If not, when you meet that person explain to them what you're saying now. That in the past people don't remember & they weren't so supportive in that way. Aww ❤ I'm just really rooting for you. All my hugs 🤗

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I don't do loud arguments and dramatics. 

I'm more likely to either get very quiet (perceived as moody to some lol) or just calm down enough to talk it out. 

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1 minute ago, Don B. said:

I usually stay calm during arguments which sometimes angers the other person. Does anyone know what I mean?

Yes. Infact I've been told "when you don't say anything or when you leave, you know you make it worse". What am I supposed to do...let's have a calm civil conversation, talk it out and through..❤

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