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How To Deal With An Unexpected Death


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  • Elites
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My best friend that I had since grade 1 committed s******e as of last year October 17th, 2020. She moved away around grade 3, we talked on the phone for a year then I moved away due to personal stuff, and I lost her contact since my mom, my sister and I had to leave in a hurry.

We got back in contact when we were both in grade 11, and spoke everyday until she stopped talking to me in 2019. I didn't know why, I even added her on my new Facebook account and told her I was deactivating my old one since my bullies kept h***ssing me - not a single request accept.

I heard in November that she died, only to find out that she passed in October. It broke my heart, and it still does to this day. 

Edited by Lilliako
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There have been a few people I went to high school with that passed away and they were all shocking. There was this one girl who passed from a car accident after she graduated. There was another guy who was a popular basketball player in school who passed from a heart problem I think a few years ago. I wasn't friends with them but I knew of them and had classes with them.

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My uncle died of a heart ****** quite unexpectedly. He was only in his 40's at the time. There was this girl I was acquainted with in highschool who was "accidentally" shot by her sister. I always thought she did it on purpose. 

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  • Elites

I've lost far too many people. My father to homicide at age 17, numerous close friends to car accidents and illness.  My best friend in March 2021 to intentional od. I take nothing for granted ever. 

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I lost my friend Jad... he was one of my only friends in High School... I found out when I was in the Air Force that he died of a blood di*ord*r in Brazil... I think it was in that country... he was a big part of my younger years, first person I ever did a comedy sketch with I think... it was on audio tracks.

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A family member of mine died from an OD in 2017. We spent our youth together having fun and enjoying life. We grew apart as we turned older. They started a family & apart from family gatherings we didn't see each other often.

I can remember the last time I saw them. They were helping me move in to my new place. We all knew about this, they tried to get help. I gave them a hug, and I'll always remember that hug. A few days later, I just start at work and I have an emergency call.

I was informed about them being found... I cried and started to panic. They all advised me that I should probably go home, but I continued to work. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to believe it...I finished my shift thinking I'd be called that it was a mistake, that they were being treated at the hospital or something...

It was one of the toughest f**erals I've been to...I often make things for their resting place...& I can still hear their laugh, their voice to this day. 

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There was this really annoying k*d at my school. He didn't have any friends, and seemed to have fun just pissing off everyone. He would kick anyone who sat in front of him, always tried to make arguments with the teachers, and went out of his way to accuse everyone of being gay. After a few years of this, he would start getting beat up in school. When we were 17, he died of a diabetic shock. Everyone at school went to his f**eral, even though most people there either didn't like him, or had had some role in b**ting him up. It was a very weird vibe in the church. Obviously his family were devastated, but most of us just had no idea how to process it

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  • Elites

This is a topic I know all too well about. 

My mother had alcoholic-cirrhosis of the liver and her liver was practically dead so she was eligible to be put to the top of the list to get a transplant. We had a post-operative plan in place, and I was her primary caretaker and health contact

She wasn’t supposed to d*e. 

The disgusting hospital she was transferred to (apparently has the best liver team in NJ) gave her an infection from the food they fed her. 

Since no liver function, your kidneys go. 
She would be on dialysis for 72 hours at a time and it was not ridding the infection. 

She was in the ICU for a month before passing. 

She ended up bleeding internally overnight and I received a phone call asking if I should intubate her or let her pass peacefully. I was only 23 years old and knew nothing of this. I couldn’t believe there was nothing more they could do - I had to make the decision because she had no living will and I was the only one she listed to make decisions like that on her behalf. 

I went to the hospital right away and they told me she most likely would not survive the intubation and they recommend letting her pass in peace. I was frantic, I couldn’t believe they couldn’t do more. I was her everything. And she was mine. 

It hurt the most when the cirrhosis took over her brain function (similar to dementia) and she would only speak French to me or consider me a nurse, not her daughter Bonnie. 

It took about 9 hours after they pulled the plugs for her to pass peacefully with her in my arms. 

 

Now, how to deal with this? 

Find a support group, a confidant, someone you can vent to without any judgement or comments like ‘get over it already, it’s been x amount of time’, or ‘don’t worry, we all go someday. it was their time’. 

Actually, no it wasn’t. 

The only thing that helps me is when I am in conversation with anybody, I speak about my mother daily almost as if she is alive. It makes people feel more comfortable bringing her up to me. And it makes them feel less awkward. Talk about them. Don’t erase them. Become their legacy, keep their name ALIVE. 

As for grief, it will always remain. But it does get easier to cope. If I even read about my mom or go on her Facebook I cry. It’s okay. Don’t let others make you believe you should be over it.

If you need anything, I am here. 

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