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Keaton Astro

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  1. I try my best to learn from it and improve on the parts of myself that were not deemed as acceptable by somebody else. Here’s a story you didn’t ask for about how someone in my life dealt with rejection. I don’t recommend you read it, mainly because it exposes just how horrible and selfish I am as a person. I’ll type it out regardless as it could have some the****utic benefit: I broke up with my ex-partner in a rather cruel manner - a text message sent from my parent’s house. They immediately claimed to all of our mutual friends and basically everyone we know that they in fact had clinical depression. They stated that they had previously attempted s******e, failing to clarify WHEN THIS HAPPENED. I had no prior knowledge about any suicidal ideation nor attempts, it was completely new to me. They also posted a photo of a crying man on their Facebook page with a long paragraph describing their ongoing emotional turmoil. I lost friends as a result. I’m not a psychologist but I do have experience of living with an individual that suffers with diagnosed depression. I didn’t notice any of the usual signs of said depression during the lengthy relationship and there was also no mention of it whatsoever. So, some blue sky thinking here - was this claim merely a tactic utilized to cause me further suffering and make me look bad for breaking up with them? Is it not normal to expect to notice these things in other people when you are living with them? I know that I am wrong in my thinking here and of course, these things can certainly go unnoticed but I can’t help having this feeling that something’s up with it. The timing of the public announcement of their ongoing struggle with complete despair seemed awfully convenient. Again, I am the reason I have this feeling of wrongness; it’s because I am wrong to think like this. I would describe them as being a very positive and confident person with a happy demeanour. They were always making jokes and seemed to very much enjoy themselves on a daily basis whilst we were living together. There were some underlying issues - they were a big drinker and I did not drink at all. They had some serious anger/control issues that flared up when they were drinking. This resulted in me booting them out of my car for drunkenly screaming at me/punching the inside of the passenger door frame whilst I was driving them back to our shared home after they had been on a night out. I later broke up with them because I was fed up of being antagonized by them when they were drunk, they had refused to stop drinking and I couldn’t handle being scared of them during their common cycle of alcohol ab**e. Was that just their depression showing it’s face though? Do I maybe just not understand it well enough? Maybe they just wore a mask for the entire relationship/cohabiting situation? Do you ever really know anyone?! Or, maybe they used their knowledge of my past and being closely linked to a person with depression as a weapon against me which would obviously majorly s*ck and it hurts me to even consider. I’m still bothered by the whole thing to this day which I’m pretty sure is evident by now. I sometimes worry that maybe I *was* living with someone that was truly suffering with an invisible illness and I did not help them. Maybe I am a naive and stupid person that should really be begging for forgiveness and attempting to make amends instead of writing this deeply personal reply to a topic on Onision’s forum? Sorry if this is alienating for anyone, I also hate this gr*ss navel-gazing narrative. Get this - I’m beginning to believe that *** isn’t even real. It’s just an illusion and some magnificent joke that one conniving f***er conjured up. They’re out there somewhere right now laughing hard at us all. What the actual f***? Who really knows who is to blame at this point? It’s probably obvious that it’s me, of course. This will be my last post on this forum anyway because it’s become apparent that there’s no potential for me to have my username changed for protection. So, I’ve decided in my 100% sane and rational mindset, to throw myself under the bus and post a reply about what’s really up. One final yelp for help if you will. Let’s just hope I haven’t decimated anyone in the process as I will, in turn, end up being decimated myself. Great regime here. Life is a landslide! Enjoy it while you can! I’m aware that this post is totally crazy, I’m just not all too bothered about it because it feels true. Everything’s fine, I just lost my family! Boo-hoo etc.
  2. Nice! 😊 It’s no joke for me, I feel so targeted by ‘The Joker’. I have this joker-esque tendency to laugh both inappropriately and uncontrollably at times. It doesn’t happen too often but it’s a real thing and has gotten me into a lot of vexatious situations in the past. 🥵
  3. Oh my, the intensity of the body detached from brain moment. I’ve felt this many times - not through means of intox*cation because I never go there but the “what even is my name?!” feeling you get after being deeply immersed in some external stimuli. 🤣
  4. I just revisited the topic of NFT’s and think I finally got my head around some stuff I didn’t fully understand… NFT = Non-Fungible Token It is a special kind of unique digital asset (a "token") that is recorded and stored on a blockchain (a distributed digital ledger). Unlike other tokens like Bitcoin where each token is exchangeable and equivalent to any other one — the same way a dollar bill is exactly the same as any other dollar bill — NFTs are unique or highly limited. This allows them to certify specific versions of digital items, like the nyan cat meme, and by creating scarcity and a sense of authentication, produce value. It seems straightforward enough but I originally had lots of questions. Think I’m good now. I don’t think I’ll ever purchase or bother making one myself but I can see how it would be helpful for say a musician with tracking royalties etc.
  5. Yes, I have done this and it was life-changing. Firstly, seeing someone take great care of their k***s is highly att**ctive - pure alpha vibes. Then life switches into widescreen and there is much to be learned about responsibility and love. Depending on how serious the relationship gets, a few things to consider might be constant streams of laundry for multiple little people and some insane cooking schedules. Also, if you’re going to get real serious, you’re going to have to face up to the fact that, no matter what you do, step-parents generally have a bad rep. Just accept it and move on. Still, there’s that omnipresent love thing. I’m not really sure why I’m framing it this way because, in my experience, I had my heart ripped out and will likely never fully recover so go figure. Sorry to be such a negative Nancy, I should probably cut that last bit out but it’s true so it stays.
  6. I’ve been feeling kinda bad about my previous comment on this. I think I may have issues with tolerance at times… I went to this secret location event that my friends were running once which ended up being in a dingy *** club. It wasn’t actively being run as a *** club at the time of the event, it was just used for a music thing. Anyway, I was totally inexperienced and new to this kind of environment. I took a tour around the venue and ended up seeing some pretty messed up things which scarred me for life. Like metal hooks…for humans. Since then, my primary instinct when hearing of these types of things is to shield when maybe it would be more productive to try and educate myself more? Idk, just don’t wanna end up being an a***ole all my life.
  7. You make some very valid points. Plus, you’ve been initiated into the Furby fandom so subsequently can never be wrong! 😻 I found Megan to be very distracting whilst reading this. 😹 Such a babe. 💕
  8. Hmm, the text is all tiny for me now! 🤣 I’m using an iPhone 12 - thinking about it, my phone has been offering me updates recently which I keep refusing on the grounds that it usually messes my settings up. Looks as if my phone’s decided to do a number on me anyway as revenge. It must just be phone gremlins my end so nothing for you to worry about! 🤷🏻‍♀️
  9. Is anyone else occasionally encountering issues with accessing the forum? I keep thinking I’ve been kicked for some reason, maybe my posts could be easily misconstrued? I’m not sure… At least it’s working now, I guess. Don’t take my love away! 💔
  10. Is there a villain that you really like? And why? I’ve always backed Lotso, his origin story really struck a chord with me and my ex was always suspicious of me for liking him so much. I wish there had been redemption for him in the end… ”This is what happens when you dummies try to think. We’re all just trash waiting to be thrown away!” - Lotso “The guy may seem plush and huggable on the outside. But inside, he’s a monster.” - Buttercup on Lotso
  11. Boo-ya! Congrats on the win! 🎉 Dude, I love Crash too! Were you ever able to figure out what Mask says?! Bothersome lol 🧐
  12. I figuratively quit playing the most recent Crash Bandicoot game because it gave me a boner... lol.
  13. Oh no, I hate to admit to this but here we go… Short answer: Infinity. Long answer: I spend all hours of the day and night hooked up to the internet in some way or another as all of my work-related activities are performed through online portals which already equates to the majority of my day. I wear a watch that receives messages, measures my heart rate through photoplethysmography, reminds me when to take movement breaks and is also online… I have surveillance monitors in my home that stream directly to a phone - you know, to ensure safety. My front doorbell and many home appliances are linked to phones through the internet. Any socialising with friends is now primarily through Google Meet, Zoom, FaceTime and WhatsApp thanks to the pandemic. Like Onision said, even Netflix is online and the only features that I use on my smart TV are web-based. To add to all of this, I’m constantly being tracked through ‘Find My Friend’ on my phone. It’s pretty safe to say that I suffer with paranoia occasionally…frequently..? On a lighter note, we will never own an Amazon Echo. Nope. Never. Ever. Therefore, everything is probably fine, right? P.S - run for yr lives. hide. P.P.S send help.
  14. People only reveal what they truly think of me when I’m not around so I will never know. And for that, I am thankful. 👻
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