So I get sad for seemingly no reason a lot... like, my first real plummet into depression happened Nov 14, 2007... it was... crazy how far it got... but ever since, I've just been... going back to this dark place... where I feel so sad and I don't know exactly why in the sense that it's not like there is one thing on my mind pulling me down.
I guess it could kind of be like... I got really wounded, and haven't healed... and the sadness... while I don't think about how it happened in the first place, I still feel the left overs of what happened before...
Thing is, this pain... I tried a medicine recently that got rid of that feeling pretty fast... it lasted for a few hours and... well... I kinda missed the feeling... that sinking sensation in your chest, that feeling that you're going to break down crying... that feeling that you're falling apart.
I've had that feeling for so long that I feel like... without it... I'm not even really alive... as if in my current mental state of meaninglessness... when I lose that sorrow... not only do I still feel things are meaningless, but I don't even feel sad about it anymore... so it's just meaningless absent of sadness... and what is that? That is even worse... because at least when you're sad, you know you have something of value, and that is feeling... raw, deep, sinking... heavy weighted depression holding you down, keeping you grounded.
It's so complicated that even reading my own thoughts... I would struggle to understand if I wasn't living it.
Anyway... do you ever get sad for no reason? Have you ever felt like sadness wasn't the enemy after all?