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23 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

I hope you start feeling better. I'm sorry to hear about the bad stuff. 😕 please take care. Hopefully a positive turn around is in the cards for you. ❤

Ah.. thanks.. ily kind stranger

 

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2 minutes ago, t*rminated said:

Me too. I used to be on med*cation for it during my marriage. It was so bad that I'd get panic and anxiety a ttacks, become severely nauseas, vomit, and eventually pass out. No amount of m edication seemed to help with the panic and anxiety episodes.

I've been on different meds for panic ******s. They always want to load you up with more and more. (Well, back in my lab rat years. I feel like i was too much of an experiment. They couldn't even diagnose me correctly. & why people gave these things to teens then idk)  Some of it I just wonder if they were passing them through as placebos with really bad side effects. 

There's like only 1 or 2 things that actually worked clearly for me. Now I just try to get through my days with the therapy I need, and trying to apply coping skills. Distracting myself outside or things inside. Or just distancing myself from too much. Making sure I get enough water in, eating light, having my supportive numbers to call helps in a way.

I still have out of the blue ******s, and often end up in the ER. But, it's som*thing a lot of people deal with, and a lot of people will never understand. 

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2 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

I've been on different meds for panic ******s. They always want to load you up with more and more. (Well, back in my lab rat years. I feel like i was too much of an experiment. They couldn't even diagnose me correctly. & why people gave these things to teens then idk)  Some of it I just wonder if they were passing them through as placebos with really bad side effects. 

They were giving me a combination of Clonazepam and Citalopram. 

They re-diagnosed me several times. First I was intermittent explosive anger d*****r which is a form of bi polar. Then they gravitated away from that and just changed it to anger / depression. Then my ex wife came in with me and complained to my D.O. and said that I was doing things that aggravated her. 

So then. He came to the conclusion that the marriage was causing me to have behavioral problems and anxiety. So he then told her to seek counseling. 

7 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

There's like only 1 or 2 things that actually worked clearly for me. Now I just try to get through my days with the therapy I need, and trying to apply coping skills. Distracting myself outside or things inside. Or just distancing myself from too much. Making sure I get enough water in, eating light, having my supportive numbers to call helps in a way.

After my divorce was finalized. I quit going to therapy. I flushed my m edications. The pandemic hit. They didn't want anyone coming into the clinic. 

Really not being married and not having to talk to my ex wife has made me feel leagues better. I rarely have severe anxiety ******s anymore. But I do still vomit out of the blue and get upset stomach. 

10 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

I still have out of the blue ******s, and often end up in the ER. But, it's som*thing a lot of people deal with, and a lot of people will never understand. 

I'm deeply sorry. I know how you feel. I wish I could take all of that away for you. 

Was it your past relationship that caused it to get this bad?

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1 minute ago, t*rminated said:

They were giving me a combination of Clonazepam and Citalopram. 

They re-diagnosed me several times. First I was intermittent explosive anger d*****r which is a form of bi polar. Then they gravitated away from that and just changed it to anger / depression. Then my ex wife came in with me and complained to my D.O. and said that I was doing things that aggravated her. 

So then. He came to the conclusion that the marriage was causing me to have behavioral problems and anxiety. So he then told her to seek counseling. 

After my divorce was finalized. I quit going to therapy. I flushed my m edications. The pandemic hit. They didn't want anyone coming into the clinic. 

Really not being married and not having to talk to my ex wife has made me feel leagues better. I rarely have severe anxiety ******s anymore. But I do still vomit out of the blue and get upset stomach. 

I'm deeply sorry. I know how you feel. I wish I could take all of that away for you. 

Was it your past relationship that caused it to get this bad?

I'm so glad you're feeling better, even though there still are things that do happen & it can't be completely helped. I have definitely learned how tox*c people can make a difference and an unhealthy impact. Now that's not to say that I don't slip. Flaws in my system.

It's a little difficult for me because I have an urge to help other people, and get to know people. Retraining your brain is a strange thing especially when your heart gets in the way. "Hey this is how the world works" vs "I "need" to help"

I've had anxiety since my single digits. It escalated higher in middle/high school. I celebrated my sweet 16 in the hospital. I had a trauma when I was extremely young. 

I couldn't be vocal about anything. I just wanted to listen to other people. It was sort of a coping mechanism. So yeah I realize how much of a target I was for that specific person in my past. In the end I believe they made things worse for me, but I mean, I tend to feel ashamed and at fault too.. but it ended so I'm free in a way. It's just that shadow that creeps up on you. 😔

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2 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

I'm so glad you're feeling better, even though there still are things that do happen & it can't be completely helped. I have definitely learned how tox*c people can make a difference and an unhealthy impact. 

Thank you and you're right. I think tox*c people can hurt you mentally. I still have small anxiety episodes for no apparent reason. But the good thing is they're uncommon. I used to be so depressed in my marriage that I wished I would d ie or fall asleep and not wake up. 

3 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

Now that's not to say that I don't slip. Flaws in my system.

It's a little difficult for me because I have an urge to help other people, and get to know people. Retraining your brain is a strange thing especially when your heart gets in the way. "Hey this is how the world works" vs "I "need" to help"

That's would appear so. You do look like the sort that would give the clothes off of your back and all of your money to a stranger in need. 

6 minutes ago, brittniisundae said:

I've had anxiety since my single digits. It escalated higher in middle/high school. I celebrated my sweet 16 in the hospital. I had a trauma when I was extremely young. I couldn't be vocal about anything. I just wanted to listen to other people. It was sort of a coping mechanism. So yeah I realize how much of a target I was for that specific person in my past. In the end I believe they made things worse for me, but I mean, I tend to feel ashamed and at fault too.. but it ended so I'm free in a way. It's just that shadow that creeps up on you. 

I'm very sorry about what happened to you. It sounds like you've had it really hard. But things I hope are leagues better for you then they were in the past. 

 

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15 minutes ago, t*rminated said:

Same to you. How has your day been?

It's been oddly relaxing for the most part. I'm kinda in the same boat. That knock on wood kind of thing. I'll keep it going though. Watch some good stuff. Enjoy the rain, perhaps it'll help with resting tonight. Just trying to keep motivated with it. 🌟 Thank you for asking 🙂

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High hopes, fast pace fun...then slow motion to the text of a friend passing away. I feel the blow, the shock, to nothing, to if anything is real. & so I'm up again way too late...going through our messages...saving what I can with red eyes, and a mix of everything & numbing...

 

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Kind of feel like a joke. And feel like quitting. On everything. 

Kind of been putting a smile on, faking my emotions to put everything behind me, even trying to cry for help, but no one really gives a damn. 

Im glad I had this opportunity to meet you. I'm just broken, and depressed. And I really needed someone, and I didn't have anyone. So goodbye. 

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i feel a quite a bit of rage, as well as excitement bc i got close with some friendos last night and it was heartwarming. but the rage, like i just want to quit my job, drink myself into a blackout and run into traffic. we love dealing with that out of the blue.

ok not really out of the blue i know why, i need to get a refill on my meds that helps mitigate these feelings, and im pleasantly anxious for my therapy on wednesday, love her sm. i guess im pissed at myself for not keeping up with meds and got myself into this mess of a headspace.

its still not fun to deal with tho lol fmsAngry Slam GIF by FaZe Clan

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Feeling like I’m gonna start building my self confidence back up. On a new med*cation that’s helping me feel less anxious, just got cast in a movie after taking a 3 year break from acting, just bought a new pair of pants that fit super well for the first time in forever. I’m gonna love myself! From here on out.

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Posted (edited)

My feelings? If they do exist which they do.. uh I would just say inconsolable. Years of trauma does that. I try to stay happy as best as I can, maybe the reason I like onision as a person is because a huge part of me knows how it feels to feel ruined pretty much. I was diagnosed with bipolar manic depressive back in 2011, I cope with it fine over the years, been to therapy the whole thing and then some. I try to see the good in the world sometimes it’s difficult. I know not everyone is religious and that’s fine everyone has good and bad in them, and I don’t know I always wanted to see the beautiful in people and diminish the bad because everyone deserves to be happy. Some Memories are meant to be remembered and some are meant to be stored away. Everyone deserves love and everyone deserves respect. That’s why I stick with Jesus 🥺❤️ 

Edited by Steff
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